but , for now ...

Of when I thought it was all my fault and put a blame of why I am extending my years
then I come to a thought that 
those are only two papers out of 6 or 7 subjects that I took last semester

I should be more grateful
and say Alhamdulillah instead
He wants me to see things in a different view
in a more appropriate feels
of what He is trying to test me

I am still not pure in getting things done
and still lack here and there
perhaps 
I am just not that ready
to face the world
after I finished my studies
so He makes me appreciate these times around
and be happy with the journey

I should have this thought 
earlier than what I am doing now

I might change the thought
but for now
I am happy to think about it this way 

^^

while ...

those who always be with me
knew how debate is so close to me (always say that I want to quit but I am still in /tch)
(same to kpop lalalala /shut my mouth up)


I dont always have sweet memories
along the way
I know I aint that good still
while debating
(but I shout a lot while debating / like really  /  I am serious  /  I think  /   whatever)

idk
this might be the least thing that I could give 
for people around me
shouting and yelling  :

"yah speaks louder"
" please make your speech more structured , I cant understand you "
" I do it this way , but still messy but I think this way will do? "

trying to scold but still not good enough
its still something that I cant get away to laugh from about myself

but I know
being scolded in front of others how my english was sucks before
being separated from your teammates for your performance was not good before
being isolated just because I speaks english
being scolded in front of juniors
crying watching teammates won a championship
etc

these make me appreciate how debate has brought up to me 
uptil now

sometimes
I wonder
should I stay positive 
or vice versa
about the line


too complicated for a little thinker like me

L
O
L

Longer pace ~

I know that I have to take a longer journey in study
So I am extending my year
and carrying 6 subjects this semester
and another 3 next semester

so yeah
See ya everyone
Good luck with yours
I am going to do my best in mine

Do well
Dont play around (I wonder if anyone will still will)

See you when I am becoming what I am dreaming of

Mata Ne ~