There are times ...

there are times

when you feel that you are nothing

there are times 

when you feel that you are everything

everything is depends on you

well , tbh

I did most things that relates to me

well , who wouldn't do the same for themselves ain't it?

what relates to me?

few days ago , I met my friend

someone that I haven't for really a long time

to that one friend

thank you so much for always understanding me

as what happened to you that concerned to me so much

I do take it as something that I should repay back

since you always there by side too

thank you so much

and to this one friend

tbh , I changed a lot

as in , the way I portrayed myself to people

it won't shown up in front of you

because 

how much I hide or change it

I will be myself back 

when I am around someone that I am comfortable with

you are one of that comfortable friend that I am with

that's it

haha

okay , I sounds weird lalalala

sounds funny?

might not be

nvm

why I am saying all these?

some people make me be someone who would pissed them off like really

my sarcasm skills might have increased I guess?

idk

I just , sometimes 

too tired to bare with others problems

that is why

sometimes I don't bother about others at all

unless you are someone thats really close to me

thats matter the most

coz , not much will

with this annoying girl

lmao?

haha

I always need time to brain things

I know I am not good at most field

but with some people

I survive too

ahh , why this sounds so complicated?

and now I wanna scream

OMG

why all these works and submissions

can't finish on their own?

I am so tired doing it

lols

and now I am blabbering like idk

talking things that might sounds rubbish to some

whatever

just

I need to find the times when

I can meet myself back !

> angyeong <

p/s :

and there are times when

you show the other side of you

so people can't recognize what you are trying to hide from them

I still am ... a human

Xiah Junsu - DBSK / Tohoshinki 's Medley

A big hug to all Cassiopeia , JYJ Fans and Big East

its already the second day of the ballad concert

and the highlight for me should be the medley stage

I cry with all I might listening to the medley

it was unexpected

XIAH JUNSU sings Tohosinki's song !

yesterday , he cried

now he said he wont ( lol , junsu , you are so cute )

I am gonna put the video at the end of the entry

it was from yesterday's performance

when Junsu cried at the end.

I am happy

honestly happy

coz this is my first time streaming JYJ's stage from far

thank you so much !!!

Xiah , you really made my day

here is the translation for 2nd day's concert
right before medley's stage

cr : as tagged 

Tohoshinki's Medley :

1) BEGIN 
2) STAND BY U 
3) SKY
4) HEART, MIND & SOUL
5) LOVE IN THE ICE
6) PROUD 
7) ASU WA KURU KARA

#XiaBalladConcert #ThankYouXiahJunsu

#XIAinTokyo #XIAinJapan

Welcome to university life .... le juniors [ especially those who get UiTM :) ]

Hello hai.

its me Syaf :)

so untuk entry ni 

ditulis khas untuk 96 - liners.

congratulations. be it korang dapat kat mana pun

semua sama. dan itu adalah yang terbaik untuk anda semua.

embrace it ! you will do well ! 

I believe in all of you , so ... do believe in yourself okay?

to those yg baru baca my blog.thanks.

so akak akan cerita sikit my flow of studies.

tak gempak sangat pun , tapi akak harap ia membantu.

( this entry will be in mix languages , sorry , i will try to make it as leisure as I can )

dalam kata yang mudah.

akak pelajar asasi undang-undang dan skrg dalam tahun kedua ijazah

Pentadbiran Korporat 

both foundation and degree are with UiTM.

Jadi akak hanya boleh detailkan untuk pelajar uitm sahaja

yg selebihnya , i will try to help with all I might.

asasi akak buat dalam setahun

( batch akak adalah batch pertama yg asasi dibuat dalam masa setahun )

dan ijazah akak : 3 tahun

( I have another year to finish my degree , iA :) 

jadi akak skop kan entry ini kepada level adik2 sekalian

asasi dan diploma.

( tp akak boleh khusus utk asasi je , sorry , utk diploma , try to look at other site too ^^ )

setiap semester ada 5-6 bulan. dan biasanya kita akan ada break sebulan 

atau sebulan lebih untuk ke semester seterusnya.

( * rujuk pada kalander akademik setiap semester okay? )

biasanya kalander akademik utk pelajar asasi dan ijazah adalah lain

link utk STUDENT PORTAL

dan akak dah carikan siap2 korang punya academic calander

 here is the link : Kalander Akademik Pelajar Pra Dip/ Diploma dan Asasi

( kalau nak cari ... UITM STUDENT PORTAL > CALANDER > ACADEMIC CALANDER )

okay

if perasan , dekat surat tawaran korang ada no matiks kan?

okay , sila hafal no tu , no tu adalah no yang melambangkan diri korang

( my matrics no starts with 2012****** )

haa , korang punya start dgn 2014 la kan? 

basically , student portal kita boleh di akses

dengan lebih detail apabila korang log in dgn no matrik korang

kalau korang buka link yg akak bagi kat atas

dia ada bg direction utk log in kan?

okay , if awal2 ni , baru first time nak masuk

korang punya password is your IC number.

cuba try log in , akak tak sure korang punya data dah ada atau belum

but if you manage to log in , nanti tukar la password siap ^^

next time nak log in tu pakai password baru je :)

the rest , boleh explore sendiri

banyak dik kalau nak cerita semua

akak boleh tolong sikit2 je , haha

okay , so apa yg penting buat masa skrg?

ada certain yg tnya kat akak siap2 , apa yg diorang tak tau

1) MDS 

MDS stands for Minggu Destini Siswa.

kalau waktu sekolah dulu , dia sama macam minggu orientasi

ada certain yg takut sbb bosan ke apa.

akak rasa MDS ni penting sbb masa ni la korang nak tau

most things pasal UiTM

 seminggu je , tak lama.

akak enjoy MDS akak dulu , so I hope , all of you will feel the same.

mmg penat sikit la , tapi korang pun dah lama cuti kan?

haha , take this oppurtunity well okay? ^^

2) IMPORTANT THINGS 

1) Please print surat tawaran tu bnyk sikit.

awal2 ni mmg nak pakai , utk office simpan , pemohonan apa2 ke , anything la

better prepare awal. doc lain pun , mana yg rasa penting tu , buat la at least 2 salinan. 

2 ) asasi ada bagi tawaran kewangan kan? isi tu awal2 , 

make sure tak ada yg tercicir , follow requirement dia , please siapkan ni sebelum

korang masuk semester. bantuan kewangan ni diberi sekali dalam satu semester.

dia bukan bagi bulan2 eh, kira nanti , pandai2 la korang urus duit masing2 

3) buat akaun BANK ISLAM . okay , ni penting sbb UiTM mmg pakai Bank Islam.

wajib buat akaun bank ni. semua urusan berkaitan dgn bank ini sahaja.

siapa yg belum buka akaun , please buat skrg. jangan buat last minit.

mmg penuh la nanti sebab semua nak bayar yuran time tu jugak. so nanti lambat.

4) gambar passport . rasanya , dalam requirement mmg dah suruh buat. buat la bnyk sikit.

sng nanti.

5) tolong semak semua link yg ada dari surat permohonan. so far yg akak ingat , mmg 

permohonan kewangan , all important docs , mmg dah di attach dalam surat tawaran.

please jgn malas nak buat awal2 , at least kalau tak faham boleh tnya senior , or orang atas :)

3) OTHER THINGS

Ni untuk soalan selainnya.

1) ada yang tnya nak kena bawa laptop ke tak. akak dulu sbb dari selangor dan asasi di kuantan. jadi akak bawa awal2. tapi akak tak sarankan bawa awal2 sbb masa MDS nanti

jarang ada kat bilik. and bahaya tinggalkan dalam bilik. awal2 semester pun tak pakai sangat. if korang nak bawa nanti pun boleh. lagi selamat bawa bila dah habis MDS la. itu cadangan akak la , sbb risau sbnrnya nak tinggal laptop kat bilik masa MDS kan? :)

 

2) akak cohort asasi zaman 2011 punya. so mungkin certain things ada yg berubah.

if ada dan tak sama , akak minta maaf bnyk.

 

3) waktu balik . ada yang tnya ni. ehm . mcm mn nak cakap eh? 

universiti ni. awak belajar sendiri. nak balik bila , nak keluar bila , semua sendiri.

tak de dah kad keluar asrama ke apa dik. pandai awak la jaga diri. tapi masih tertakluk pada undang2 asrama ( kalau korang duduk kolej la ) . thats why , akak nak ingatkan.

jaga diri elok2. jangan terlalu ghairah nak explore semua in rush. and awak belajar ke mana , enjoy ke mana. you guys dah besar , can take care of yourself well right? ^^

 

4) akak ada tulis post berkaitan asasi law dalam blog akak. cari je label 

Asasi Law Uitm dan label UiTM. Hope that helps ^^

 

5) buat decision utk masuk universiti sbb pilihan sendiri. akak tak galakkan awak ikut

apa yg kawan buat. setiap orang minat berbeza , dan awak sahaja yg tahu apa minat awak.

this is not a school anymore , you have to decide on your own. yes , mmg best bila ada kawan sekolah sekali , but sampai bila nak berkepit right? you have your own pace to go , if minat sama , lain cerita . so akak harap , you guys can make the best decision. pray hard , buat istikharah and do well with what you decided ^^ 

MY ADVISES !

1) akak tau , ada certain yg segan nak masuk uni sebab rasa

budak sbp ke budak mrsm ke lagi bagus. satu benda akak nak cakap. ya , mmg ada beza sedikit sebab didikan di sekolah berlainan ada beza caranya. tapi , apabila awak dah masuk universiti , semua jadi sama level balik. nam saying? :P

awak nak capai apa2 , semua kena usaha sendiri. akak dah nampak macam orang , 

ada yg excel waktu sekolah , tapi dkt universiti main2 , tak score jugak kan?

maknanya , usaha tu yg bezakan awak dgn orang lain. jangan down awal2. akak tau korang mesti boleh buat punya :)

2) selalu fikir positif ! 

ni penting , sbb awak skg dah tak ada kawan2 sekolah yg satu geng dgn awak nak main sama2 ke apa. THIS IS UNIVERSITY. awak kena fikir , semua decisions skrg ada kat tangan awak. main2 , scholarship kena tarik , and go anywhere ( cth ) ... or excel.

tak salah berkawan , pandai2 la bawa diri. 

3 ) please please please , belajar utk hargai orang di sekeliling. 

jujur kata , waktu belajar adalah waktu yg paling seronok. awak semua dah meningkat dewasa. mungkin ada certain , dah habis ijazah , terus kerja. 

maksudnya , waktu nak belajar semua benda dgn kawan2 , 

ada waktu ni la. appreciate orang lain juga. buat assigment betul2. jangan nak dapat markah free sahaja. nanti awak gain nothing. cth , awak excel sbb assignment orang buat , at the end , awak dapat apa? nothing right? belajar la sama2 , study sama2 , excel sama2 ^^

4) akak sarankan , at least , set a goal korang nak capai apa.

DO WHAT YOU LIKE , LOVE WHAT YOU DO. tapi dalam masa yg sama , ada plan dgn

hidup , apa yg korang nak capai. baru perjalanan tu bermakna :3

5) well , i cant say much about relationship etc , sbb akak pun tak fikir sgt.

if you guys ada...pandai2 la manage everything :)

6) if you are a kpoper , spazzing2 jugak , belajar jangan lupa okay? ^^

( okay , this is a bit special , since i am a kpoper too :P )

idk if i help much

akak boleh kongsi apa yg boleh dikongsi.

if terkurang atau terlebih dari yang sepatutnya

harap maaf.

bnyk sangat sesi dalam entry ni.

sesi motivasi , sesi membebel semua ada.

apa yang baik , please take it.

apa yg buruk , sila jauhkan.

untuk adik2 sekalian. 

belajar elok2. akak doakan yang terbaik untuk anda semua.

tak susah pun tulis benda ni , tpi harap korang appreciate this.

akak harap korang jadi orang berguna untuk agama , bangsa dan negara.

ingat , tak mudah nak dapat peluang belajar. ramai lagi yg masih

berlumba-lumba nak dapat tempat belajar. gunakan peluang ini sebaiknya.

please , believe in yourself. gunakan peluang ini untuk belajar, belajar dan belajar.

banyak lagi yang kita kurang sbnrnya. harap2 , kita boleh kongsi ilmu dgn orang lain juga

dan menjadi satu amalan baik utk diri kita dan yg lain.

thats all

anything , do buzz me

inshaa Allah , i will try to reply back ^^

sincerely , Syaf ^^

I am not comfortable

there are times when you want to be all free

as in all your actions , movements and words 

are taken lightly by others

so you can be free that way

well

when it comes to different genders

someone might misinterpret what you said

your look at them or might be your movements

as ... " hey , I like you "

or even when

when you know he likes you ( or she likes you )

you couldn't say anything since you can sense it

but you dont even like him / her at the first place

( I might do the same to others. If yes , byane. I am not perfect either )

for me

don't try too hard

you make me uncomfortable with you

yes

I want someone to try hard to get me

who wouldn't want that

especially when it comes to choose a partner for your life

that is different perspective

since marriage is sth different.

but when in a lecture

people want to focus

and you want to talk lalala

like hello

what do you want to show me?

a guy who could catch up all things directly

when someone is speaking in front but you don't bother to listen?

nam saying?

byane

I have some level that I could go

I am not demanding but situations make me

I am not good either

but as a student

I want to focus

and I as a friend of yours

I want you to do the same

so ....

yeah

Kemahiran Insaniah and Happy Mothers Day ^^

Hello fellas

now is 10.17 pm . 11 of May 2014

first of all 

Happy Mothers Day to all mothers in the world

and especially to my mom

I love you much

this is what I can confidently said

without doubt

that I seriously love you so much

really really really

thank you so much

( ok , sounds exaggerating :P )

- the rest , I told her already through call did I did few moments ago  -

so today

I just finish my 6th KI modul

it is Kemahiran Insaniah

that you have to do 

and have to complete it

fail to do so , you have to repeat it

( since it sort of a 'school' that you need to finish )

I am so tired

like really really really tired

but I can't sleep either

have a lot of works and submissions to be done

tomorrow , I have a test and presentation to be done

psst ....

now I even listening to DBSK's songs like a crazy girl while writing this , lmao 

1) I cant really sleep to rest

2) I am a Cassiopeia ( err )

3) I dont feel like sleeping until my works done? lols

back to topic XP

my weekend has been taken away

so I need to use these time left for my works

omg T_T

( my brother call me this evening , thank you , sobs , imy ~_~ )

btw , the program held were from 8 am to 6pm ( roughly )

I learnt a lot

seriously

it even made me to feel like a numb too

since these modules were about

self development and entrepreneurship

self development's module was held on Saturday

I enjoyed this module so much

thanks to the facilitator

I learnt that I need to know a lot of things

around me and the world

well , tbh , I did know

but I don't really bother to know

so I need to change that

final year is approaching me ahead

I need to be damn serious about most things

and for today's module

I learnt about entrepreneurship

I know I lacked a lot in most fields

when I saw my friends presenting about their ideas

I feel that I need to be more innovative and creative

and when it comes to entrepreneurship

I know I have my own interest towards this field

but I know I need to learnt lot

tbh

when I learnt about development of business

way to control the way

way to handle the resources

I know the thoughts of all risks are around

I know there wont be any easy steps to even stand straight

on this arena

but then again 

courage is needed

and this is where I need to develop

I dont fear the least courage that I have

I fear the knowledge that I have

I know how I see things

and I know with what I have

this wont be enough to face things outside fearlessly

though I thought that I am good in my studies

this doesnt mean that I can survive well

isn't it?

isn't this should be a fear that I should be afraid off?

well , tbh

I should put all negative thoughts away

learning could be in so any ways

and I know I can do well 

just in matter of time

that whether I can step out when I face the reality later

do you think I am able to do it?

haha

I know I have to answer this myself

so ...

ganbarimashooooooooo !!! 

^^

another touch about fandom

some might say 

" ouh wow , you are still talking about your fandom here"

or 

" cant you just forget about kpop and live your life "

if any

1) this is my blog

2) music is my interest

3)  I need to know ( for some official reason that I can't tell )

4 ) yes , I am a student , and I still need to concentrate on my studies

4) if what I did might concern about your life ( I am sorry ) but if not ( STFU )

so yeah , lets proceed

I am writing concerning to the issues related to babys

I wasn't there last night ( or even last few days )

due to all my works.

so I updated this late and get the info 

from some people that I am close with

and scrolling the whole thing on TL 

and seeing what is actually happening

tho not the whole thing but I do get some picture about it

I don't deserve much to talk about it

but you could refer about that here

Isa does point out good points ( in my opinion )

LINK : 

[ POST ] NOTICE: Concerning the "issue" between fans and TS/managers (Explications)

 http://www.bapyessir.com/2014/05/notice-concerning-issue-between-fans.html?showComment=1399622359857#c2325137860498755165 ( cr : bysfansite )

thank you

what you meant to me

hye

hello fellas

now is 7.09pm

8.09 KST 

I am here counting on Bang Yongguk's birthday

this is as well as my lovely sisters birthday

actually, I have been holding this feeling quite a while

for a week if i counted

its not that long ago but I know

this is a scar that will not heal in a month even

there is one time 

my housemate and I are watching one of B.A.P shows

we get all excited and laughing all around

talking about how cute they are

talking about how lovely their voice are

but our fangirling mode are up to some scene which 

I bet , other fans will feel the same

he is not my bias but I still feel that way
that we are happily tweeted it in our accounts
but .... someone misunderstood what we said
and say bad things behind us
thing is , I ask that person to watch the show so that she knows what we felt
but then I saw her tweeted that 
" idk what it is and i dont even bother watching it "

well be it

perhaps only matured people like both of us

who only can notice that

idk

what makes me feel this way is

I am so mad 

coz when I am talking around

some people are bashing me at the back

and worst is 

what she said was a spark for my friend too

I am so mad and sad at the same time

how could you say that to us? T_T

1) she doesnt want to watch it
2) she misunderstood us
3 ) she spread bad things about us

well bashing is something that we are used to face

but calling us a fan that is not supportive

really hurt our feeling

seriously 

it hurts a lot

I know 

some will say

" why you have to bother about these matter , its just a young girl who said that "

yes

but we both are so close to her

I can feel how my friend feel so hurt to what that person ( refer as A ) said

to the extend of leaving the fandom

you know

we both have been to kpop world for 5-6 years

yes , it might not be that long to some ( well idk )

but this is our first time being active so much

for a group

despite for my friend ( refer as Z ) who was a Primadonna before

but for me , I never stick to any fandom uptil now

and when this happen 

I am so mad that I am not even fangirling much anymore

there was once that I thought of leaving the fandom

but when I saw A tweeted that she doesnt care

then I think

if I back off , I will get nothing

so I decided to stay

but tbh

for the last whole week

I am trying to spazz around about B.A.P

but .. but 

( omg , I am crying )

I can just scroll down the timeline

and look at people spazzing

I FEEL NOTHING

NO EXCITEMENT AT ALL

I MISS THE MOMENT WHEN I AM FANGIRLING SO HARD

SERIOUSLY , THIS HURT ME SO MUCH !!!

yes

I am in 3 fandoms

but previously when others ask which fandom I am in

I will proudly say that I am a Babys

but now?

I can only say 

" oh hye , I am a cassie and JYJ fan , but I am a Babys too "

nam saying?


( its not that I am not a proud cassie before , its just that : I am a new cassie and a long time Babys ~ 
so hope you understand me and not making speculation about this matter ) 

why I am saying that I am so mad when A say to me and Z about not being supportive?

look

I know I am not doing much

not to Z either

but we both are trying so hard to support ot6

you never know how much we work hard 

to collect the money for FIRST SENSIBILITY album !!!

go on crazily voting

making a lot of accounts

crying for their first , second , third win

excitedly screaming for all the MV releases

even to Japanese PV

and to all merchandises

we even gather most things pertaining to B.A.P

( we have like , most merchandises? esp to things that we are afford on )

and excitedly discuss about saving money for LOE

though we know that we are not that capable
etc etc etc

Z and me are students

and our parents are not that type who will give us money to whatever that we want

means : we have to work on it ourselves

and you never know how the feeling is

when all the excitement go and LOST JUST LIKE THAT !!!

and when someone said that we are not a supportive fan?

I DO CURSE A LOT

TO THIS MATTER

I DO CURSE 

and I KNOW I AM NOT SOMEONE WHO WILL CURSE FOR NOTHING

means : what she said was really something that hurt us badly 

I still remember that I am making the second twitter account to spazz around

been suspended twice during 1004 era

tweet like a crazy girl , all in caps during the show

been crying for the slow wifi since I am waiting to watch the streaming

I WATCH ALL STREAM STAGE FOR GOD SAKE !!!

I AM NOT THAT CRAZY FAN GIRL

I KNOW MY LIMIT

I KNOW WHO B.A.P IS !

I HAVE BEEN TOO LONG IN THIS FANDOM 

OR PERHAPS NOT ( IF COMPARED TO SOME , IDK AND IDC )

BUT WE KNOW 

being in this fandom was something that I will not regret on

since B.A.P is a perfect idol

Babys are the best fandom

but now?

WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN THE FEELING IS NOT THERE ANYMORE?
mine is not 100% lost , but my friend?
I have been spazzing around with her
this sadden me a lot 

I know Babys are all good

that I admit , we are the best fandom

and both ( B.A.P and Babys ) are not someone that we should blame on

but for some reasons and some people

we lost our interest 70 - 90 %

down to the earth

in a blink

I AM TRYING HARD NOW

SERIOUSLY  t___________t

listening to all B.A.P 's songs back

thinking how I was before about being in this fandom

but I can't lie that ....

1) i need more time? or

2) i need to curse on everyone? or

3 ) or like what I am doing now? crying?

this hurt me so much

it really is 


( honestly I am crying so hard while writing this and listening to 1004 T_T )

you should see how excited I am about this 1004 comeback
ever since the picture teaser
up to the yongguk's gf issue
up to CSI interview
up to tweeting with them
up to the MV release
watching to 3M in few days
spreading all attentions to the whole fandoms about voting

I collect all videos , pictures

everything

even sub the CSI video for Babys to get it permanent

I do it volunteerly 

but , idk where all those spirit go

OMG , what should I do???

another thing

my twitter describe me

can see it here 

that all are now related to Jaejoong
yes I love him too
I love those groups that I am spazzing on
just ... this matter
omg , did you get ma point?

I do talk and spazz about B.A.P

but it will only be within minute

and then I am talking about other fandom

well I am surely do think that I need some time

...and about Z and me...

I know Z

I understand how she felt

and if she wants to leave the fandom

I know that she is right

and I know for me to stay is right

but I can't lie that 

B.A.P is just a memory that I will remember 

deep in my heart
until I get my feeling back

I am listening to B.A.P

and crying out hard

everyday

I know even if Z and me told the whole world about this

nobody will understand us

so lets just wait

what will happen

thanks a lot to all those people who always around to support us

I hope you support will not stop though Z ( or me even , idk ) leave the fandom or what not

and what hurt me most is...

i have been counting for my bias birthday for months

but this happened slightly when it is close enough

I wonder , how can I react

but one thing that I am sure of is

I AM A CASSIOPEIA + JYJ FAN + BABYS
it still stick that way

thanks for all these while

B.A.P is a great group

I will still be in this fandom no matter what

just ... the feeling of excitement 

lets just wait for it to come back

to conclude this

do listen to B.A.P 1004

the lyrics describe me a lot right now

thanks for reading

here , a present :)

me : innocent girl 
8.30 pm
140330

~ I am out ~