Scrolling Down ~

It is kind of funny when I look into all my old entries
and see how I was complaining about things
and sometimes I pitied myself for that
it ain't funny but well , perhaps I am weird to look at it as it is

well I guess updating at phone makes myself a better person in developing the ideas
now I am lost of what to write

as I scrolled down
I can see how I treat myself differently to different situations and sites
how you have to be really thoughtful when you want to update your tweets
how you have to be really peculiar when you have to sub the videos
how to credit things
how to make sure that you feel good about posting things

things about internet and social medias are sometimes make me feel tired
as in there are too much of limitations that you need to hide
as to secure yourself and others
that is also a way for others to see you or the one that you are trying to fake of
but sometimes you showed the real side of you

well not much points to ponder but that's how it is
sounds complicated lols?
I am really impressed of how people can show themselves through medias
well , certain cultures or terms might limiting someone to do so
but I love to watch and read people's opinion on sites
its pretty interesting

when we tend to listen to others and see how they think about something
we might see things in a better or different perspectives
perhaps that is one of the ways to be better , or worst , idk
it depends on you of how to take it to your life as well

tbh , idk what am I writing right now , haha
anyway , I guess the way I am writing is improving from the past
but I guess I need to put down certain insecurities to myself and be more open with
somehow a better side to show
I guess when you go back to entries back when I start this blog
I was more open in sharing of things that I like and what I think about something
mostly now , my entries are more to how I see things from my perspective
but as I read it back
it aint helping me to be better , but I do feel bad at the moment I wrote those entries but well...
idk , this just sounds so complicated
sometimes I feel bad for lot of reasons

I have a long journey to go
I need to learn a lot
as I go through those entries
I know somehow
I have grown up a lot

I will try to be better in the future
and change my perspective to a better view as well
hoping that this wont be just another wish lists
but something that I will keep on paying attention on

idk if anyone read this that they will understand what I am trying to write
but lols , if you do , you are awesome , haha

until next time ~

☆

3.19AM
guess my heart wanna stare and read the books but my body can't cooperate with it ...much?

Having exam yesterday for taxation 2 paper.
So basically I am sacrificing part of my sleep but nay , I always sleep nearly 3 or 4 am though. Doesnt make any difference much.
The difference is , there is exam and I kinda use my brain more for serious matter (now this is serious XP)

So 2 papers in a row
And both start by 9am and 8.30am respectively.
So yeah. Hoping for the best
CSP 1 for tomorrow.
May Allah ease.

*tried to gain energy and mood to study and I gained it when I am nearly sleepy. Haha. Hope everything's gonna be okay.*

Good night world.

More spaces?

As I realize more about how selfish you are towards me
I take a lot of steps to be positive about it
I am sorry
Yes
I am not good
But I guess I have been considering too much

I tried to be good
But you treat me like I am nothing to you
Yes
I am not good to you all the time
This feeling might be bias
But sorry
I have started to hate you
So much
That I can only pray
That you will feel the same way that I feel now
And I really wanna see your face when you feel that
When others do the same to you
How painful it is

I can curse all I might to your face
But since I still have this one tiny respect to you
I won't do that
Or you might regret
Knowing me
As a person
Because
You never know the real me
Of how cruel this hidden side of me
That I wont show but to a bi#*h like you

Wish you all the best for your life
Go and be with that arrogant self of yours
I wont pay any attention to you
Anymore
Though it might hard on me
Since I care so much
That I feel so depressed right now

I just need to write this down as I dont want this to engulf me so much. All I want is to be alone and have some space for myself to sort things out. Thats all.

Insecurities

You know , people always say that it is hard to handle girls , but for me , it applies to everyone. Why? because everyone ; DO HAVE THEIR OWN INSECURITIES !

Well , who the hell doesnt? isn't it? sometimes , it comes to a point that you feel so frustrated about yourself and be so undefined about it. I am writing and thinking about the thoughts for quite a while ; but it usually come and go. This is mixed. I am unsure when this kind of thoughts come to me , or when it want to freely go. Bullshit thoughts of mine. Alright , let's just let it be.

I am implying all the insecurities that I have , into what people call as being "secured" and "protective" to myself. I am realizing that I am becoming more "cruel" and starting to ignore what people think and feel about me (excluding my family of course) . I mean , for some people , being detach is necessary , for me ; it is annoying. For some , spending time together 24/7 is a must , for me it is not. Texting for the whole day? ha-ha-ha ,  i can't do that (but i can do the talk for hours /idek why XP).

point is , I am starting to focus to myself , and start to ignore  others. it might be good , it might not. I know , I am starting to hurt others . Whilst I am trying to be rational , I am thinking this selfish point of mine that none ever think of how selfish they were to me. I a trying to protect this point to my head. I am there , I was there , I felt it. 

But , it might be irrational or childish to say this , there is always a perk where you have reach your limit , that you can't be considerate anymore. For how nice I was , there is always this bad thought of mine , to just let them go and be within myself alone. I don't want to be alone (well , who want it to be that way anyway) , but I cant deny that I sometimes , need a space for myself. IDEK what is that for , I just ... tired that sometimes I feel that people use me , and sad thing is , I DONT FUCKING REALIZE THAT HAPPENING IN FRONT OF MY EYES !

it hurts me , of how "nice" I was , of how others take it to their advantage , of how I was so naive. Well , I cant also deny that they DO help me , to some points that I am so grateful , but idk , perhaps I am just ... a bad girl.

Question is ; how bad , is enough , to be define as bad? *sigh 

Heart

by no reason
or any said arguments

its funny
how I can tell this 
and said nothing
but it is suddenly
pacing 
to be that way

but 
I am glad
of how this happened
between us

the untold story
of unknown souls

Always

of all circumstances 
I am always happy
to love someone like you
and I don't even realize
that I have this ever since school

this comfortable feeling
this thought
these prayers
those comforting phrases
those calm stares
those "whatever" smiles of yours
I have always feel comfortable and save
to live within

and this feeling
I want to let it alive
within words
and smiling to you
like how we both always do

this is bluffing
I am not perfect
neither you
you always tell me that
and accept me for who I am

the time difference and distance
make me appreciate things a lot
even we cant really meet up
I know that you are always there
under HIS blessings 

thank you
I am always happy
to be me
with you

these words
are for you
for someone who always open up his thoughts for me
because , I miss you
a lot

hope to meet you soon. when you are here. landed on the same land where we both stand. and be weird together , again. okay , another bluff is coming. whatever. people always ask me of why I like or love someone weird like you and there is me with .... " damn , idek " ><

but , for now ...

Of when I thought it was all my fault and put a blame of why I am extending my years
then I come to a thought that 
those are only two papers out of 6 or 7 subjects that I took last semester

I should be more grateful
and say Alhamdulillah instead
He wants me to see things in a different view
in a more appropriate feels
of what He is trying to test me

I am still not pure in getting things done
and still lack here and there
perhaps 
I am just not that ready
to face the world
after I finished my studies
so He makes me appreciate these times around
and be happy with the journey

I should have this thought 
earlier than what I am doing now

I might change the thought
but for now
I am happy to think about it this way 

^^

while ...

those who always be with me
knew how debate is so close to me (always say that I want to quit but I am still in /tch)
(same to kpop lalalala /shut my mouth up)


I dont always have sweet memories
along the way
I know I aint that good still
while debating
(but I shout a lot while debating / like really  /  I am serious  /  I think  /   whatever)

idk
this might be the least thing that I could give 
for people around me
shouting and yelling  :

"yah speaks louder"
" please make your speech more structured , I cant understand you "
" I do it this way , but still messy but I think this way will do? "

trying to scold but still not good enough
its still something that I cant get away to laugh from about myself

but I know
being scolded in front of others how my english was sucks before
being separated from your teammates for your performance was not good before
being isolated just because I speaks english
being scolded in front of juniors
crying watching teammates won a championship
etc

these make me appreciate how debate has brought up to me 
uptil now

sometimes
I wonder
should I stay positive 
or vice versa
about the line


too complicated for a little thinker like me

L
O
L

Longer pace ~

I know that I have to take a longer journey in study
So I am extending my year
and carrying 6 subjects this semester
and another 3 next semester

so yeah
See ya everyone
Good luck with yours
I am going to do my best in mine

Do well
Dont play around (I wonder if anyone will still will)

See you when I am becoming what I am dreaming of

Mata Ne ~ 

Thank You :)

That was a long duration of time though

6 hours

I am pretty sure that we haven't meet and talked 

for such a long time

really

I really do miss talking to you

and I am glad seeing that we are both doing so well

and I am glad that we can always stay this way

up till now

idk what to say

but I am always feel thankful

to know you

to be a good friend to you

to listen to you

to get this trust from you

thank you so much

V//////V

its not only for you

but for all of my best friends

good friends

friends

etc

those who always care and listen to me

and be there when I really need them

I am always feel glad to know all of you

I know that I cant offer much

but as long as I breath

I cant promise to be good

but if you are good to me

I will try and give out my best

to do the same

but that is the least that I can do

biggest thing that I can do is

to pray and hope the best for all of you

that HE will always protect

and bless your lives

now

and forever

I am a human

I will die one day

thus

along the way

I hope that I will always do good things to others

and receive good things too ^^

hope that HE can let that happened

for a long time 

Keep on...

Of how much I think I have worked hard
Of how much I think I have sacrificed all efforts
TBVH...It is not enough

This journey
This life path
Allah has gave me a chance to correct it back

As a servant...what have I done?
As a daughter...what have I gave?
As a friend...what can I offer?
As a human...what could I give?

I am exist for reasons
Though I know I am a bit selfish...
I know that I exist for something...

HE KNOWS

I have lot to learn
I have lot to correct
I know I am in no position to give others advices
I hope that Allah will give strength for me...

To keep on...

Down

I think I am rarely show hate on sth obviously especially if it comes for education thingy.

I have a paper tomorrow and I think I feel demotivated seeing the carrymark. Been holding and scolding myself to study but I just stare at the page blankly.

Till I chat with my friend "I feel like throwing my books now" and she was all worried.

I am okay. But I am just mad at myself that I didnt work hard enough. I know that I didnt but I cant. I am giving too much excuses for this which I should put myself in no position to advice others. It comes to that way.

I cant sleep but not utilizing it for study lalala. Lot of insecurities but I just need to better which require another hardwork done. Why am I so lazy like this? I hate this side of me.

I hope that I can pass my paper. Hope that my friends will do well too. Company account...thanks for being exist.

Me - 5.46 am
Exam paper at 9.00 am

Good night 🙇

WYAO

<12.33 am>

WYAO stands for

WORK YOUR ASS ON

lols

perhaps its is not suitable for some people , sorry

but yeah , lets proceed

This is a special entry for a 'little' girl

she is a friend of mine that I havent meet

perhaps we can meet one day ^^

so now

this will be general since I am sure she will get it

so I have read your 'homework'

thank you for completing it

I appreciate that

tbh , I have a lot to say

since perhaps I have been there done that

so I will just say things based on what I think I should say

(make sure you read and listen to everything that I put in this entry XP)

1) for me , that song brings a lot of meaning towards me.

that was the song when I was totally into them.

that song brings me to one point that I should be on track.

but that aint the only factor. there are a lot ! freaking a lot

but its all up to you on how you want to use it
same goes to anything that you do
its all on you ^^

2) yeah , I will do the same ~ blaming myself for things that I think I did wrong. 

(sometimes I mad at others if I know I am not wrong , 

but I will end up fixing things rather than let it be , 

unless its totally unnecessary)

BUT , I dont agree you saying that you will feel that way .

people do have different kind of ways to express themselves , 

so it doesnt matter , it depends on you

on how you want to open up to others , 

but girl , nobody is higher or lower

everyone is working their ass off to get what they want

you are blaming yourself , that is one thing , 

saying that you feel stupid wont help you though

logically , sit there doing nothing ... okay , you can call that as stupid ><

SO YOU NEED TO REALLY WORK ON WHAT YOU STATED IN NO 3 !

3) For this , THERE , YOU SAID IT !

*clap clap*

but then , if you do nothing 

nothing will change

NOW (pats on you) , I know

its hard when someone that you trust said something like that to you

but seriously , it might hurt sometimes

but as you said , you need to respect them

so keep that respect on

work harder

prove to them that you can do better

make it as a good motivation

sometimes , some parents cant really express themselves 

saying lovey dovey words etc

and them being protective perhaps seeing that you are still young

I know you wont rebel , but trust me

they are just giving time for themselves

to let of totally get your own freedom soon

now , you are under their sight , protections

nobody will let their daughter hang out alone etc and be on their own

especially at your age

yes , they wont provide you step by step 'procedures'

but then

its up to you on how you want to adapt to it
you are a grown up girl aint you? 

expectations ... I dont think people would love to have it

yes , I hate it too

but without it

you will not accomplish anything (good expectations I meant)

4) being compared ...well , i think its normal

but nah , just....listen and keep on

well , I know it is not easy

but , there is nothing that you can do but to strive !
ITS ABOUT THE WAY YOU ARE <--- lols , am listening this now ><

these are my answers to answers that you gave me based on what I give you ><

REP UP

<THIS>

I know you understand this better than me

I know how music works best on us

now , I guess this might work on you

coz it is on me ><

okay that wasnt the last part though

I have a lot more

lols , you should know how 'noisy' I am

everything is depends on you

its not that I havent face what you are facing now

what I did was , I study hard

mine was when , if I didnt pass that

I need to extend my time from entering degree

now , you still have a semester to go

which will be easier

you still have time

you have done your best for the past three semesters

just , a slight "mistake" is done for the last sem

so , like you said , you blame yourself

so now , will blaming yourself only; bring you something?

no right?

you gotta study from now on
use this holiday to work on that paper , study early

I have seen my friend with 4 papers

now he needs to extend way longer than you

so be grateful

that Allah tests you with a small test

or perhaps big , idk

but one thing about me

I am not saying that I didnt complain on things

I do

but I know I wont do that only

I know I have to strive to get things back
to fix things back
then thats how you can make everyone proud

You know
success is universal

PEOPLE CAN ONLY ADVISE YOU

ITS YOU TO WORK ON IT

=D

I know you can do well

trust yourself more

be confident

try to prove to yourself that you can be better than 

what you are now

dont compare with others much

it helps nothing

I know I didnt help much

but I hope you wont give up that easily

I hate it if someone that I care do things like that

it hurts me

I am striving here

so I hope you will do the same ^^

now this is for you :)

<OMG , I am so gonna cry for having emoshinki rn, lols *hug you>

me

<A little Cassiopeia>

<1.26am>

Contengan

1.45 pagi

banyak sangat perkara nak dirungkai

external aku rosak

aku kena format

jadah semua benda aku kumpul bertahun 

hilang kejap je

nangis tak berlagu aku

lately

aku tak sempat nak kejar benda lain

whatsapp kbnyknnya aku tak reply

call pun housemate sbb nak balik etc

and home ( I miss home so bad )
*praying for my little brother for his SPM , I know he is doing his best*

debate aku kena kejar juga

ada tournament bakal menyusul

aku malas sbnrnya

tapi keadaan dan tenaga kerja itu kurang

assignments bersepah

kebanyakan aku buat sorang

aku tak kisah

tapi dalam hati menyumpah

aku buat dgn kawan lain

dia ada , tapi tak datang

sudahnya hanya menaip

aku menyumpah tak habis

bukan satu assignment je dia buat macam tu

aku rasa nak mencarut kat dia

tapi tak boleh

dia nak membahan , tak tgk lagi aku bahan orang macam mana

aku tak tau nak fikir apa
jadi aku diam
tunggu masa
yang lain pun tahan sahaja perangai dia
markah atas usaha orang
tak rasa bersalah ke?

aku geram semua benda

kuiz aku markah teruk gila

mid term jadual macam apa

aku nangis habis paper sebab serius macam final

tambah satu carutan sbb mmg aku akui

pentadbiran fakulti agak lemah dari segi ini

banyak lagi benda aku tak sempat buat

AGM tak buat lagi

CCM talk tak de lagi

debate tournaments lagi

presentation bersepah macam jadah

study lagi

final nak dekat dah

membahan kenapa kelas akhir sem kena blended sebab

budak dip nak masuk

padahal awal sem tu diorang tu final jugak

kitorang tak de kelas kot awal sem tu

kena ganti kelas sebab diorang

apa jadah suruh pindah fakulti macam tu

diorang duduk kolej kot

bagi je la kelas petang

macam **** je asyik nak mengalah

okay sorry

suatu perkara

aku tak suka commitment buat masa skrg

komitmen nak datang awal

komitmen nak cakap baik2

komitmen nak kena belikan top up utk orang padahal aku ada hal

etc

perkara remah , waktu busy

andai disentuh

diam mungkin perkara terbaik

for anyone

kalau ada sesiapa yang terasa ke

aku jawab macam nak tak nak

kalau kau tanya pasal assignment

kalau kau kata perkara yang aku dah kata aku tak suka

etc etc

aku biasa tak jawab , hanya diam

nak marah ke apa tak reti

aku tak tau la aku ni jenis apa

nak whining pun sorang2 kat sini lah
maaflah
aku memang begini

kadang

banyak sangat aku mengalah

pendam sendiri

aku tau , ada juga perkara yang orang mengalah

for me

tapi tak semua

aku hanya mampu doakan kebaikan utk mereka yang buat baik kepadaku

for years I havent meet my best friend

for years I didnt meet the one that I trust the most , but he left me

for a lot of things that I keep to myself

for everything that I can just pray the best for

what else others expect me to do?

I cant even handle myself

now what?

I hate expectations

I cant split myself and faking things

I am tired of it

for once I did it

I lost my trust entirely

for once I was hoping

I can just look at it and stare , do nothing , cry

now what?

I am not strong

I am tired

I know Allah gives me a lot of chances

I know that Allah knows that I can face all these

but for once , what I need is

space for me to be myself

for others to compromise how complicated I am

when I can consider about theirs

maaf , entry campur bahasa

aku tak perlu perjelas semua perkara

orang hanya akan faham surface sahaja

faham bagaimana pun mereka

mereka tiada di tempat saya

Halwa telinga pagi ini

Korean Version

Chinese Version

me , 2.41 am

Annyeong ~ fanbase

For things that I have put my heart to it.
For a place that I decided to stay when my heart is broken because of 'those' people.
This fanbase helps and makes me feel a lot of things.

Thank you for these 9 months.

I will cherish every moments there.

Annyeong.

MID TERM EXAM is coming ~~~

 

 

I don't even realized that we are in the middle of the semester now

time flies without any pace

 

so its next week

and I am hella scared

lot of stories told that if we cant score

tendency to fail is high

and you know

when you are stressed with a lot of works to be done

and studies

of how you want to coop with things etc

This is when you feel that everything is creepy

 

there come a time when you feel like giving up

trust me , I am not that strong

I feel like sleeping the whole day

that my body is so tired to everything

but then

YOU CANT

and you have no option but to stay up

 

that might sound creepy

but whatever

that's life

and you are a student anyway

lol you cant say anything but strive

 

well

that's basically what I can say to myself

to at least stay awake

I cant play around

but I STILL PLAY AROUND

(though it is not , well whatever)

 

Am trying my best here

will try my best

please , strive with me

 

GAMBARIMASHO !

 



Factors ~

Tbh. If you talk about how I get the motivation. Throughout the entries. Yes I did say that B.A.P and DBSK thought me , but they are not the only factors.

When I am stress and feel demotivated , there are few things that I will do. Yeah , this to praying to Allah. That should be the first.

Other things...

1) call my mom. Thats the easiest way and fastest for me
2) tell my friend about it
3) do whatever that i wanna do until i feel motivated. This depends on the mood and what I feel at that moment
4) etc

Sometimes , when we brag about sth , doesnt mean that is the main focus of ours. Well , its all on you and its you who decide.

Good luck for mid term test , dear myself ~

for?

You have been calling your boyfriend since morning

and now its almost 5am

what are you talking on the phone for the whole day

freaking everyday?

thats the thing that I always wonder

when I see my housemate doing that

most are doing the same I think

which IDK if I can manage to do that when I am in love

well the specs might be different :P

for some spaces

if your lover is at a different time zone

then perhaps that makes sense why you are on the phone

at freaking 3-5am

because for sure you wont be on 'expensive' call all day long right?

or perhaps

you are in the same country

and just .... well

its not wrong

but I wonder

perhaps you should just sleep

lols

why am I complaining this when I dont even sleep now?

I just thought that ....

well

I never say that it is wrong

because I do understand

that you want to stick around

just , perhaps

I cant take it when

people touch your sleeping time

lols

okay bye

[ENG SUB] ARASHI - DEAR SNOW PV

INFO

"Dear Snow" is the 33rd single by the Japanese boy band Arashi.

 It was released on October 6, 2010 on the J Storm record label.

 It was used as theme song for member Kazunari Ninomiya's film 

Ōoku: The Inner Chambers.

( CR : WIKIPEDIA )

RELEASE DATE  : 6 OCTOBER 2010

ALBUM : BEAUTIFUL WORLD

This is a video subbed by me and translation is credited to owner ( stated in the video ).
I really love this song. its so deep , seriously , this song is lovely.

hope the link works well

Thank you.

DOWNLOAD

PASSWORD : ADS
( make sure that its all in CAPS LOCK )

my miserable thoughts and solutions?

 

 

Hello bloggers

I think this entry will be a bit longer

I am saving all my thoughts in one post lols

hope you don't mind

 

main idea for this entry is what I thought about my surroundings

well , I have a lot

I am going to focus on two

 

 

 

1)  STUDY

 

Few days back

my partner and me are rushing for an assignment

we sent it a bit late

(okay  , that was our fault too)

but here is the story

 

what happened that day was

it was all arranged

but I did not print the document yet

and since it is documents for incorporation of an organization

thus , it is a lot to be done

and we have classes before from morning to evening that day

( submission day )

tbh , Alhamdulillah that our last class was cancelled

so we have some time to edit a bit and print

andddddddddd

my printer was run out of it's ink !

and my partner's too

the there are few documents left for completing the assignment

since there is not much options at our faculty

we have to find other option which to go out from uni

and find printing shop

so I stayed at the campus and my partner look for the shop

( we are doing this with my classmates too - they were with their partners )

 

after all the rush

we did finish it ( yeay )

 

what I want to write is what I see things around when all these happened

I do understand that my partner is the busiest girl ever

since she joined I think most communities and student council's etc

and she can still manage to do everything with me

 

and remember when I said that we are doing all these with our classmates?

there is a gap when my partner is out looking to where they can print the doc

so me and my other friend went to perform our prayer

after we finished it ( I have to admit it that we are a bit rushing )

and there is a moment when we stare at things

and my friend said this

 

 

" syaf , don't you think that we are so busy with all these things and can't really khusyuk with our solah? "

 

I replied

" ikr , even if we perform our prayers , there are things keep on pop-ing in our head on things that we need to settle "

 

~ END on the conversation ~

 

 

I do take that deeply

I am happy that Allah loves me by sending people around me to remind

me on how people can sometime forget

that all these things that we do

its because of HIM

 

come to think on it

we are studying because of HIM

we are able to live because of HIM

we are alive today is because of HIM

we can beat others and say we are good , because its HIM whose giving us that ability

we can shed tears sad scenes is because HE gives us feeling

reminding that we need HIM in our live

 

even if we are busy with all the responsibility

its to HIM that we need to come back eventually

 

 

 

 

2) INTEREST

 

well

I think if you always read my entries

its all full of KPOP etc

of how 'hardcore' I am with my idols

of how I admire them etc

of how they always teach me etc

of how I am mad when others saying bad things about all these things

 

I think most of you have come across that

 

' IT's NOT EASY TO CHANGE '

 

yes

I admit

I am changing a bit

I lessen my interest

but I am not saying that I am stopping or hating all these

 

I always see things differently

perhaps because I am too deep ( lols , I am not sure )

I still admire them

for all positive vibes that they have

but I am also a fan that understand

all these people are also human

I cant admire them forever

I cant let all these thought to fight for these people forever

because I have my life too

but I don't say that I wont post anything about them

just , its lesser

 

I only disclose that I am a fanbase admin to my close friends

and in this blog

I think its a responsibility too

just , I think I need some time to quit that position

which I need to discuss with other admin too

but idk if I can manage to do that

 

even now

I rarely online

usually , its only when there is notification

if not , NO

I am too lazy to check

unless I have nothing much to do and I check some times

but then I know nothing about the updates etc

when sometimes its tiring to keep on updating myself

about these human

nam saying?

 

but still I do check on them

just , lesser

and I don't even involve myself much thinking about other groups

since I am not updating?

lols , how am I supposed to explain this

I hope you got this

 

and there is one post

about how being a KPOPer can actually takes you far away from what you want in your life

well , I admit that

KPOP is not 100% bring positive values

to those who are in love with them

but I don't say that you learn nothing from them

its the same to when I love watching anime

 

its all about YOUR DECISION

 

as for KPOP

yes

I have been in a situation when I can even mad to other fans

fighting lalala

which now I think it sounds a bit ... stu**d

of how can I even do that

( but I don't say that you can win me either lols )

and there are time when I can be so 'BUSY' updating things lalala

 

when I am busy with my studies etc

I find that all these hobbies are a bit boring

updating and stuffs

because I have sth prior that I need to focus on

 

I still need to be a better person

OMG , I am so sad

that I cant even manage my financial properly

I still cant even let the phone or device when I am talking to others

I need to learn learn and learn a lot

so that I am not stayed behind

 

there are a lot of things to be done

yes , I am still updating myself

just lesser ( hope you got this )

and I am currently keep on reminding myself

its okay to start a bit late

than never

I might not be changed fully

because I am still me

I will still love all these Korean and Japanese songs

crying for how they are all so good looking etc

 

since I know I learnt a lot of positive things too

seeing how hardworking they are to achieve their position now

how they can be so well mannered around others

etc etc etc

( I can't explain all since its me who see the thoughts )

 

one cant say that you learn nothing from everything around you

that's being ignorant

and that will make you look stupid too ( opps sorry )

 

I meant

lets say

you walk around the town

and see old lady working so hard with her old body

working for a penny

cant you learn and see that

 

" HOW CAN I BE SO LAZY WHEN SHE CAN EVEN WORK WITH THAT BODY? "

 

" WHY AM I COMPLAINING ABOUT THESE SMALL AMOUNT OF WORKS WHEN OTHERS ARE CRYING AND WORKING HARD TO JUST GET A PLACE TO SLEEP? "

 

you can learn and have these thought

by seeing and using the brain that Allah gives you wisely

 

that's why I said

yes its not wrong to have interest

but its up to you on which you should choose or not

 

I might change my thoughts in next entries or arguments

and still posting about my bias etc

hope you wont judge me

 

and

in any entry that I wrote in

If you do think that I wrote it wrongly

or what I did is wrong

please tell me

 

somehow

I am so blessed that I have friends around

who always remind me

to not forget about Allah

and those who understand my interest

but keep on reminding me to not go beyond what it supposed to be

 

 

and I think

I am also stuck with this quote from my best friend

 

" you don't need to explain yourself to others "

 

and I do think I don't have to post the whole thoughts of mine here

since its hard to explain it all to others

 

 

 

to all these people

who are there with me

along this time

thank you so much

 

this entry is filled with my mixed thought

my weakness as human

and my strong side as a person

 

I have what I need in my life

and I will keep on searching and appreciate what I feel

because this is a chance that Allah gives me

to know which is right and wrong

and this process will keep on going

forever

 

A/N : sorry for any wrong said in this entry

thank you for reading