Wednesday, May 27, 2015

More spaces?

As I realize more about how selfish you are towards me
I take a lot of steps to be positive about it
I am sorry
I am not good
But I guess I have been considering too much

I tried to be good
But you treat me like I am nothing to you
I am not good to you all the time
This feeling might be bias
But sorry
I have started to hate you
So much
That I can only pray
That you will feel the same way that I feel now
And I really wanna see your face when you feel that
When others do the same to you
How painful it is

I can curse all I might to your face
But since I still have this one tiny respect to you
I won't do that
Or you might regret
Knowing me
As a person
You never know the real me
Of how cruel this hidden side of me
That I wont show but to a bi#*h like you

Wish you all the best for your life
Go and be with that arrogant self of yours
I wont pay any attention to you
Though it might hard on me
Since I care so much
That I feel so depressed right now

I just need to write this down as I dont want this to engulf me so much. All I want is to be alone and have some space for myself to sort things out. Thats all.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015


You know , people always say that it is hard to handle girls , but for me , it applies to everyone. Why? because everyone ; DO HAVE THEIR OWN INSECURITIES !

Well , who the hell doesnt? isn't it? sometimes , it comes to a point that you feel so frustrated about yourself and be so undefined about it. I am writing and thinking about the thoughts for quite a while ; but it usually come and go. This is mixed. I am unsure when this kind of thoughts come to me , or when it want to freely go. Bullshit thoughts of mine. Alright , let's just let it be.

I am implying all the insecurities that I have , into what people call as being "secured" and "protective" to myself. I am realizing that I am becoming more "cruel" and starting to ignore what people think and feel about me (excluding my family of course) . I mean , for some people , being detach is necessary , for me ; it is annoying. For some , spending time together 24/7 is a must , for me it is not. Texting for the whole day? ha-ha-ha ,  i can't do that (but i can do the talk for hours /idek why XP).

point is , I am starting to focus to myself , and start to ignore  others. it might be good , it might not. I know , I am starting to hurt others . Whilst I am trying to be rational , I am thinking this selfish point of mine that none ever think of how selfish they were to me. I a trying to protect this point to my head. I am there , I was there , I felt it. 

But , it might be irrational or childish to say this , there is always a perk where you have reach your limit , that you can't be considerate anymore. For how nice I was , there is always this bad thought of mine , to just let them go and be within myself alone. I don't want to be alone (well , who want it to be that way anyway) , but I cant deny that I sometimes , need a space for myself. IDEK what is that for , I just ... tired that sometimes I feel that people use me , and sad thing is , I DONT FUCKING REALIZE THAT HAPPENING IN FRONT OF MY EYES !

it hurts me , of how "nice" I was , of how others take it to their advantage , of how I was so naive. Well , I cant also deny that they DO help me , to some points that I am so grateful , but idk , perhaps I am just ... a bad girl.

Question is ; how bad , is enough , to be define as bad? *sigh 


by no reason
or any said arguments

its funny
how I can tell this 
and said nothing
but it is suddenly
to be that way

I am glad
of how this happened
between us

the untold story
of unknown souls