Tuesday, November 18, 2014


<12.33 am>

WYAO stands for

perhaps its is not suitable for some people , sorry
but yeah , lets proceed

This is a special entry for a 'little' girl
she is a friend of mine that I havent meet
perhaps we can meet one day ^^

so now
this will be general since I am sure she will get it

so I have read your 'homework'
thank you for completing it
I appreciate that
tbh , I have a lot to say
since perhaps I have been there done that
so I will just say things based on what I think I should say
(make sure you read and listen to everything that I put in this entry XP)

1) for me , that song brings a lot of meaning towards me.
that was the song when I was totally into them.
that song brings me to one point that I should be on track.
but that aint the only factor. there are a lot ! freaking a lot
but its all up to you on how you want to use it
same goes to anything that you do
its all on you ^^

2) yeah , I will do the same ~ blaming myself for things that I think I did wrong. 
(sometimes I mad at others if I know I am not wrong , 
but I will end up fixing things rather than let it be , 
unless its totally unnecessary)
BUT , I dont agree you saying that you will feel that way .
people do have different kind of ways to express themselves , 
so it doesnt matter , it depends on you
on how you want to open up to others , 
but girl , nobody is higher or lower
everyone is working their ass off to get what they want
you are blaming yourself , that is one thing , 
saying that you feel stupid wont help you though
logically , sit there doing nothing ... okay , you can call that as stupid ><

3) For this , THERE , YOU SAID IT !
*clap clap*
but then , if you do nothing 
nothing will change
NOW (pats on you) , I know
its hard when someone that you trust said something like that to you
but seriously , it might hurt sometimes
but as you said , you need to respect them
so keep that respect on
work harder
prove to them that you can do better
make it as a good motivation
sometimes , some parents cant really express themselves 
saying lovey dovey words etc
and them being protective perhaps seeing that you are still young
I know you wont rebel , but trust me
they are just giving time for themselves
to let of totally get your own freedom soon
now , you are under their sight , protections
nobody will let their daughter hang out alone etc and be on their own
especially at your age
yes , they wont provide you step by step 'procedures'
but then
its up to you on how you want to adapt to it
you are a grown up girl aint you? 
expectations ... I dont think people would love to have it
yes , I hate it too
but without it
you will not accomplish anything (good expectations I meant)

4) being compared ...well , i think its normal
but nah , just....listen and keep on
well , I know it is not easy
but , there is nothing that you can do but to strive !
ITS ABOUT THE WAY YOU ARE <--- lols , am listening this now ><

these are my answers to answers that you gave me based on what I give you ><



I know you understand this better than me
I know how music works best on us
now , I guess this might work on you
coz it is on me ><

okay that wasnt the last part though
I have a lot more
lols , you should know how 'noisy' I am

everything is depends on you
its not that I havent face what you are facing now
what I did was , I study hard
mine was when , if I didnt pass that
I need to extend my time from entering degree

now , you still have a semester to go
which will be easier
you still have time
you have done your best for the past three semesters
just , a slight "mistake" is done for the last sem
so , like you said , you blame yourself
so now , will blaming yourself only; bring you something?
no right?
you gotta study from now on
use this holiday to work on that paper , study early
I have seen my friend with 4 papers
now he needs to extend way longer than you
so be grateful
that Allah tests you with a small test
or perhaps big , idk

but one thing about me
I am not saying that I didnt complain on things
I do
but I know I wont do that only
I know I have to strive to get things back
to fix things back
then thats how you can make everyone proud

You know
success is universal

I know you can do well
trust yourself more
be confident
try to prove to yourself that you can be better than 
what you are now
dont compare with others much
it helps nothing

I know I didnt help much
but I hope you wont give up that easily
I hate it if someone that I care do things like that
it hurts me
I am striving here
so I hope you will do the same ^^

now this is for you :)
<OMG , I am so gonna cry for having emoshinki rn, lols *hug you>

<A little Cassiopeia>

Wednesday, November 12, 2014


1.45 pagi

banyak sangat perkara nak dirungkai
external aku rosak
aku kena format
jadah semua benda aku kumpul bertahun 
hilang kejap je
nangis tak berlagu aku

aku tak sempat nak kejar benda lain
whatsapp kbnyknnya aku tak reply
call pun housemate sbb nak balik etc
and home ( I miss home so bad )
*praying for my little brother for his SPM , I know he is doing his best*

debate aku kena kejar juga
ada tournament bakal menyusul
aku malas sbnrnya
tapi keadaan dan tenaga kerja itu kurang
assignments bersepah
kebanyakan aku buat sorang
aku tak kisah
tapi dalam hati menyumpah
aku buat dgn kawan lain
dia ada , tapi tak datang
sudahnya hanya menaip
aku menyumpah tak habis
bukan satu assignment je dia buat macam tu
aku rasa nak mencarut kat dia
tapi tak boleh
dia nak membahan , tak tgk lagi aku bahan orang macam mana
aku tak tau nak fikir apa
jadi aku diam
tunggu masa
yang lain pun tahan sahaja perangai dia
markah atas usaha orang
tak rasa bersalah ke?

aku geram semua benda
kuiz aku markah teruk gila
mid term jadual macam apa
aku nangis habis paper sebab serius macam final
tambah satu carutan sbb mmg aku akui
pentadbiran fakulti agak lemah dari segi ini

banyak lagi benda aku tak sempat buat
AGM tak buat lagi
CCM talk tak de lagi
debate tournaments lagi
presentation bersepah macam jadah
study lagi
final nak dekat dah

membahan kenapa kelas akhir sem kena blended sebab
budak dip nak masuk
padahal awal sem tu diorang tu final jugak
kitorang tak de kelas kot awal sem tu
kena ganti kelas sebab diorang
apa jadah suruh pindah fakulti macam tu
diorang duduk kolej kot
bagi je la kelas petang
macam **** je asyik nak mengalah
okay sorry

suatu perkara
aku tak suka commitment buat masa skrg
komitmen nak datang awal
komitmen nak cakap baik2
komitmen nak kena belikan top up utk orang padahal aku ada hal
perkara remah , waktu busy
andai disentuh
diam mungkin perkara terbaik

for anyone
kalau ada sesiapa yang terasa ke
aku jawab macam nak tak nak
kalau kau tanya pasal assignment
kalau kau kata perkara yang aku dah kata aku tak suka
etc etc
aku biasa tak jawab , hanya diam
nak marah ke apa tak reti
aku tak tau la aku ni jenis apa
nak whining pun sorang2 kat sini lah
aku memang begini

banyak sangat aku mengalah
pendam sendiri
aku tau , ada juga perkara yang orang mengalah
for me
tapi tak semua
aku hanya mampu doakan kebaikan utk mereka yang buat baik kepadaku

for years I havent meet my best friend
for years I didnt meet the one that I trust the most , but he left me
for a lot of things that I keep to myself
for everything that I can just pray the best for
what else others expect me to do?
I cant even handle myself
now what?
I hate expectations
I cant split myself and faking things
I am tired of it
for once I did it
I lost my trust entirely
for once I was hoping
I can just look at it and stare , do nothing , cry
now what?

I am not strong
I am tired
I know Allah gives me a lot of chances
I know that Allah knows that I can face all these
but for once , what I need is

space for me to be myself
for others to compromise how complicated I am
when I can consider about theirs

maaf , entry campur bahasa
aku tak perlu perjelas semua perkara
orang hanya akan faham surface sahaja
faham bagaimana pun mereka
mereka tiada di tempat saya

Halwa telinga pagi ini

Korean Version

Chinese Version

me , 2.41 am

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Annyeong ~ fanbase

For things that I have put my heart to it.
For a place that I decided to stay when my heart is broken because of 'those' people.
This fanbase helps and makes me feel a lot of things.

Thank you for these 9 months.

I will cherish every moments there.


Sunday, October 26, 2014

MID TERM EXAM is coming ~~~

I don't even realized that we are in the middle of the semester now
time flies without any pace
so its next week
and I am hella scared
lot of stories told that if we cant score
tendency to fail is high
and you know
when you are stressed with a lot of works to be done
and studies
of how you want to coop with things etc
This is when you feel that everything is creepy
there come a time when you feel like giving up
trust me , I am not that strong
I feel like sleeping the whole day
that my body is so tired to everything
but then
and you have no option but to stay up
that might sound creepy
but whatever
that's life
and you are a student anyway
lol you cant say anything but strive
that's basically what I can say to myself
to at least stay awake
I cant play around
(though it is not , well whatever)
Am trying my best here
will try my best
please , strive with me

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Factors ~

Tbh. If you talk about how I get the motivation. Throughout the entries. Yes I did say that B.A.P and DBSK thought me , but they are not the only factors.

When I am stress and feel demotivated , there are few things that I will do. Yeah , this to praying to Allah. That should be the first.

Other things...

1) call my mom. Thats the easiest way and fastest for me
2) tell my friend about it
3) do whatever that i wanna do until i feel motivated. This depends on the mood and what I feel at that moment
4) etc

Sometimes , when we brag about sth , doesnt mean that is the main focus of ours. Well , its all on you and its you who decide.

Good luck for mid term test , dear myself ~

Monday, October 20, 2014


You have been calling your boyfriend since morning
and now its almost 5am
what are you talking on the phone for the whole day
freaking everyday?

thats the thing that I always wonder
when I see my housemate doing that
most are doing the same I think
which IDK if I can manage to do that when I am in love
well the specs might be different :P

for some spaces
if your lover is at a different time zone
then perhaps that makes sense why you are on the phone
at freaking 3-5am
because for sure you wont be on 'expensive' call all day long right?

or perhaps
you are in the same country
and just .... well
its not wrong
but I wonder
perhaps you should just sleep


why am I complaining this when I dont even sleep now?
I just thought that ....

I never say that it is wrong
because I do understand
that you want to stick around
just , perhaps

I cant take it when

people touch your sleeping time


okay bye

Sunday, October 19, 2014



"Dear Snow" is the 33rd single by the Japanese boy band Arashi.
 It was released on October 6, 2010 on thJ Storm record label.
 It was used as theme song for member Kazunari Ninomiya's film 
Ōoku: The Inner Chambers.


This is a video subbed by me and translation is credited to owner ( stated in the video ).
I really love this song. its so deep , seriously , this song is lovely.

hope the link works well

Thank you.

( make sure that its all in CAPS LOCK )

my miserable thoughts and solutions?

Hello bloggers
I think this entry will be a bit longer
I am saving all my thoughts in one post lols
hope you don't mind
main idea for this entry is what I thought about my surroundings
well , I have a lot
I am going to focus on two
Few days back
my partner and me are rushing for an assignment
we sent it a bit late
(okay  , that was our fault too)
but here is the story
what happened that day was
it was all arranged
but I did not print the document yet
and since it is documents for incorporation of an organization
thus , it is a lot to be done
and we have classes before from morning to evening that day
( submission day )
tbh , Alhamdulillah that our last class was cancelled
so we have some time to edit a bit and print
my printer was run out of it's ink !
and my partner's too
the there are few documents left for completing the assignment
since there is not much options at our faculty
we have to find other option which to go out from uni
and find printing shop
so I stayed at the campus and my partner look for the shop
( we are doing this with my classmates too - they were with their partners )
after all the rush
we did finish it ( yeay )
what I want to write is what I see things around when all these happened
I do understand that my partner is the busiest girl ever
since she joined I think most communities and student council's etc
and she can still manage to do everything with me
and remember when I said that we are doing all these with our classmates?
there is a gap when my partner is out looking to where they can print the doc
so me and my other friend went to perform our prayer
after we finished it ( I have to admit it that we are a bit rushing )
and there is a moment when we stare at things
and my friend said this
" syaf , don't you think that we are so busy with all these things and can't really khusyuk with our solah? "
I replied
" ikr , even if we perform our prayers , there are things keep on pop-ing in our head on things that we need to settle "
~ END on the conversation ~
I do take that deeply
I am happy that Allah loves me by sending people around me to remind
me on how people can sometime forget
that all these things that we do
its because of HIM
come to think on it
we are studying because of HIM
we are able to live because of HIM
we are alive today is because of HIM
we can beat others and say we are good , because its HIM whose giving us that ability
we can shed tears sad scenes is because HE gives us feeling
reminding that we need HIM in our live
even if we are busy with all the responsibility
its to HIM that we need to come back eventually
I think if you always read my entries
its all full of KPOP etc
of how 'hardcore' I am with my idols
of how I admire them etc
of how they always teach me etc
of how I am mad when others saying bad things about all these things
I think most of you have come across that
I admit
I am changing a bit
I lessen my interest
but I am not saying that I am stopping or hating all these
I always see things differently
perhaps because I am too deep ( lols , I am not sure )
I still admire them
for all positive vibes that they have
but I am also a fan that understand
all these people are also human
I cant admire them forever
I cant let all these thought to fight for these people forever
because I have my life too
but I don't say that I wont post anything about them
just , its lesser
I only disclose that I am a fanbase admin to my close friends
and in this blog
I think its a responsibility too
just , I think I need some time to quit that position
which I need to discuss with other admin too
but idk if I can manage to do that
even now
I rarely online
usually , its only when there is notification
if not , NO
I am too lazy to check
unless I have nothing much to do and I check some times
but then I know nothing about the updates etc
when sometimes its tiring to keep on updating myself
about these human
nam saying?
but still I do check on them
just , lesser
and I don't even involve myself much thinking about other groups
since I am not updating?
lols , how am I supposed to explain this
I hope you got this
and there is one post
about how being a KPOPer can actually takes you far away from what you want in your life
well , I admit that
KPOP is not 100% bring positive values
to those who are in love with them
but I don't say that you learn nothing from them
its the same to when I love watching anime
its all about YOUR DECISION
as for KPOP
I have been in a situation when I can even mad to other fans
fighting lalala
which now I think it sounds a bit ... stu**d
of how can I even do that
( but I don't say that you can win me either lols )
and there are time when I can be so 'BUSY' updating things lalala
when I am busy with my studies etc
I find that all these hobbies are a bit boring
updating and stuffs
because I have sth prior that I need to focus on
I still need to be a better person
OMG , I am so sad
that I cant even manage my financial properly
I still cant even let the phone or device when I am talking to others
I need to learn learn and learn a lot
so that I am not stayed behind
there are a lot of things to be done
yes , I am still updating myself
just lesser ( hope you got this )
and I am currently keep on reminding myself
its okay to start a bit late
than never
I might not be changed fully
because I am still me
I will still love all these Korean and Japanese songs
crying for how they are all so good looking etc
since I know I learnt a lot of positive things too
seeing how hardworking they are to achieve their position now
how they can be so well mannered around others
etc etc etc
( I can't explain all since its me who see the thoughts )
one cant say that you learn nothing from everything around you
that's being ignorant
and that will make you look stupid too ( opps sorry )
I meant
lets say
you walk around the town
and see old lady working so hard with her old body
working for a penny
cant you learn and see that
you can learn and have these thought
by seeing and using the brain that Allah gives you wisely
that's why I said
yes its not wrong to have interest
but its up to you on which you should choose or not
I might change my thoughts in next entries or arguments
and still posting about my bias etc
hope you wont judge me
in any entry that I wrote in
If you do think that I wrote it wrongly
or what I did is wrong
please tell me
I am so blessed that I have friends around
who always remind me
to not forget about Allah
and those who understand my interest
but keep on reminding me to not go beyond what it supposed to be
and I think
I am also stuck with this quote from my best friend
" you don't need to explain yourself to others "
and I do think I don't have to post the whole thoughts of mine here
since its hard to explain it all to others
to all these people
who are there with me
along this time
thank you so much
this entry is filled with my mixed thought
my weakness as human
and my strong side as a person
I have what I need in my life
and I will keep on searching and appreciate what I feel
because this is a chance that Allah gives me
to know which is right and wrong
and this process will keep on going
A/N : sorry for any wrong said in this entry
thank you for reading

Thursday, October 16, 2014

because I am not you

I always have a thought that it is good to share everything ON - LINE
which could make others think the same 
as what I think about everything
but I know that I wont do that

I can post or make an entry on certain things
but not everything
that is why
it will be hard to describe me by just reading entries in my blog

all and all
I have different ways to do things
which sometimes make my friend call me WEIRD lols


1) assignments  ( refer to a difficult and tough one )
my friend : finish in 2 or 3 days earlier
me : night before / few hours before sending it
(this is because my style of studying is so much different from other people , really)

2) practical letter
my friend : sent it a week before
me : still not send it even now ( but I did email them lols )

3) music's playlist
my friend : mix songs ( language )
me : all KPOP songs ><

etc etc etc

I know how I deal with things
I cant force myself to do things
I will plan and I want to do it my way
and usually I will and sometimes it is carried away with emotions
( if any case is suitable to that )

that is why
I am learning to ignore any thoughts
that I think should not be adapted to myself
YES , I can accept advises
but I will filter it on which I should apply
aint it supposed to be that way?

I will still write whatever that I thought should be share here
if it annoys anyone whose reading 'em
I cant say anything
because most things wrote in this blog is based on what I thought I should write in
not what others think

a lot of things happened lately
I put my thoughts in my "mind cloud"
I wish to share it with all of you
( in case there are people whose reading my blog )
but time constraint make me feel lost a bit
I need to finish up things
final year is no joke buddy
trust me
I rarely get enough sleep
even if I do (sometimes) , I will still have headache etc
because I cant focus and not getting enough rest

hope I will do well
this semester

ganbarimasho !

Sunday, October 12, 2014

too attached

I have to admit that
I am too attached with them
(but I am not sasaeng tho -_-)

sometimes I wonder if others will take me as a 'weird' person
( which I always think that they are )
and I always say that ' I DONT CARE ' 
when I always act that 'I care about whatever that you say' XP

perhaps because I am way too immerse into music
and they are part of how I see where motivation comes 
( part of the factors )
since then , I started to reveal that I am a KPOPers
since I am too attached to them
and I am happy that most of my friends know it
and don't really say anything negative about it (tehee)

I am ( which I believe other BABYs do the same ) to the level
that we can even recognize a picture just by seeing at their styles
( because you are updating everything about them EVERYDAY :3 )
or whether it is from haters or not
etc etc
( not gonna elaborate that , it can be a sensitive issue to some )

loving them make me be in different level
somehow I can feel that
but idk how to describe or explain that to you
I can take so much efforts
to edit videos , make a lot of accounts
talk about them
share things that I have with BABYs
( my fandom )
and etc etc

even so
some recognized that
and ask me to be an admin for a fanbase ( based in my country )
showing how I can do to that much
though it is not much

I never meet them
I never go to their concert yet
( OMG , Please come here again T_T )
and I also know that they might / might not know me

but I am just ...
I will be at their back
no matter what

thank you

B.A.P - FIRST SENSIBILITY  ( 1004 COMEBACK ) - March 2014
from left  :  Kim Himchan , Choi Junhong (ZELO) , Bang Yongguk , Jung Daehyun , Moon Jongup , Yoo Youngjae

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

been looking for the right skin care ?

this is a rare post 
I am now a lot more interested with most skin care products

1) I bought a wrong product which doesnt suit my skin
2) it is costly
3) so I need to learn so I wont buy any wrong product that doesnt suit my skins

to be honest
I read a lot
when I have free time during this holiday
despite being busy with my assignments
and COC , lols

( COC is name of a game - if in case you are curious what it is )

so yeah
I have been looking for products that suits my skin best
and not really costly since
I am still a student

I was just wondering around youtube
and I found this channel
and omg , I love her videos so much

you can check her channel out

until next time
me , blabbering about other things


Thursday, September 25, 2014

messed up ?

 my piling up works -urgh- cries

its freaking the third week
and now , I have started to sleep late
to finish up things

good thing about this semester is
I have to READ A LOT !
I do research before I go to class
and those things in book? 
its no joke that I really need to read it
but , thinking that I am already in my final year
this is like a 'willing' action
that you will 'willingly' do
since you know that you NEED to do it

ganbatte ne

if you wanna score
you have to work hard

think that this is because of Allah
since it sure need to be because of HIM
inshaa Allah
everything will be okay

* I really need to motivate myself a lot *

p/s :
another good thing is
i only have time to spazz or watch anime when all is done
but its only for short period of time
great huh?


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Le changes

Tonight I am happy that some of my works are done within a night. We planned to finish up our workshop ( which I at first suggest to finish it earlier and my friends are okay with the idea - oh God. Thanks to all of u ) and we made it !!!

We sure are so noisy discussing on how to finish it and deal with another work at the last one hour.

So , so far ; CSP and TAXATION . we have done our preparations. We did le exercise too which I really like it when we do it together with ur classmates. Shows whether u understood the topic or not tho its only chapter 1 ( its hella crazy since its tough am gonna say --- IF , you dont study of course XP ) .

but if you dont prepare from now , it might be hard later. Be it if people say that u are showing off studying earlier. Like HELLO , who cares. Its not like u r doing sth wrong. Haha

But i am sure that i cant study at home or else am gonna stuck with my animes etc. Lols. Since i know that , i took another alternatives for going to other places to study.

Its 2.19 AM now. Gonna sleep coz i have a class tmr.

See ya readers ^^

Saturday, September 20, 2014

mumble XP

I am writing at 5.09 AM
which is bad because its not that I just wake up
but I havent sleep lols whatever 
ignore it
good that tomorrow is Saturday
eh wait , it is today :P 

I am downloading an anime named PSYCHO - PASS
havent watch it yet but I got review saying that it is okay
so I am going to watch it soon
idk why but lately
I am a into all Japanese dramas , manga , anime
love it when I heard them conversing and I can revise what I learnt 
though its not all

and while waiting for that 
I re-customize my tumblr
which I have left for long
( sorry bb tumblr )
but yeah , I am back
and lols , idk when will I be active back
and yeah
I am quite busy with a lot of stuffs
but still looking for books etc to be real busy
since I really wanna start everything earlier this semester
( aiming for Deans , so yeah )

and other thing
I have slept earlier
and I drank coffee
I have headache because of that
and I dont really care about it
coz i wanna drink it
but I am mad to myself coz i drink it
haha , its complicated
who cares anyway

and I have lot of thoughts to write here
it might be changing to more " accepted " stuffs 
written in this blog
pertaining to my course
which idk if I can make it that way
coz usually I just wrote what I THOUGHT TO WRITE
( which might make some annoyed but idk and idc coz idek any evidences )

but yeah
that is why I might need some feedbacks
if my entry is not sth that you like though

until next next next entry :)