A new journey

All praised to HIM

Greetings everyone

1st November 2016

I learnt a lot along the time that I left this blog

I drafted few entries but left unsaid :P

Sorry, I don't write well much eceh

25th October 2016

This is a story about my convocation

I am all happy that I finally graduated

I am so damn happy that I don't realize that I made it

I am so so so happy that Allah still give me a chance to feel this

Thanks to all warm wishes and dua'

Thank you for those who came

Thank you for my family who waited for long for the ceremony

I cried when "UITM DI HATIKU" song played

been wanting to feel the feeling of having convocation

when I am in, IDK what to feel

Years of journey

Many friends come and go

A lot of memories created along the way

Then

I lead the story to my journey with working environment

I never thought to have a chance to get the opportunity

Being able to work with an 'old' company

and in a position that I never thought that I will even sit

I know , I have to do well to show my appreciation

Now

I am pacing and learning

Sometimes I am thinking if I choose the right path to go

Sometime ; I know , I have to pace on

The least that I can offer is to always do my best.

We have a lot to do; for our country and nation.
Be a graduate who can contribute something
for everything

I pray the best for everyone
I pray the best for me too

God is there for us

HE is always there

May God bless!

Thank you Allah
for everything!!!

Insecurities

You know , people always say that it is hard to handle girls , but for me , it applies to everyone. Why? because everyone ; DO HAVE THEIR OWN INSECURITIES !

Well , who the hell doesnt? isn't it? sometimes , it comes to a point that you feel so frustrated about yourself and be so undefined about it. I am writing and thinking about the thoughts for quite a while ; but it usually come and go. This is mixed. I am unsure when this kind of thoughts come to me , or when it want to freely go. Bullshit thoughts of mine. Alright , let's just let it be.

I am implying all the insecurities that I have , into what people call as being "secured" and "protective" to myself. I am realizing that I am becoming more "cruel" and starting to ignore what people think and feel about me (excluding my family of course) . I mean , for some people , being detach is necessary , for me ; it is annoying. For some , spending time together 24/7 is a must , for me it is not. Texting for the whole day? ha-ha-ha ,  i can't do that (but i can do the talk for hours /idek why XP).

point is , I am starting to focus to myself , and start to ignore  others. it might be good , it might not. I know , I am starting to hurt others . Whilst I am trying to be rational , I am thinking this selfish point of mine that none ever think of how selfish they were to me. I a trying to protect this point to my head. I am there , I was there , I felt it. 

But , it might be irrational or childish to say this , there is always a perk where you have reach your limit , that you can't be considerate anymore. For how nice I was , there is always this bad thought of mine , to just let them go and be within myself alone. I don't want to be alone (well , who want it to be that way anyway) , but I cant deny that I sometimes , need a space for myself. IDEK what is that for , I just ... tired that sometimes I feel that people use me , and sad thing is , I DONT FUCKING REALIZE THAT HAPPENING IN FRONT OF MY EYES !

it hurts me , of how "nice" I was , of how others take it to their advantage , of how I was so naive. Well , I cant also deny that they DO help me , to some points that I am so grateful , but idk , perhaps I am just ... a bad girl.

Question is ; how bad , is enough , to be define as bad? *sigh 

but , for now ...

Of when I thought it was all my fault and put a blame of why I am extending my years
then I come to a thought that 
those are only two papers out of 6 or 7 subjects that I took last semester

I should be more grateful
and say Alhamdulillah instead
He wants me to see things in a different view
in a more appropriate feels
of what He is trying to test me

I am still not pure in getting things done
and still lack here and there
perhaps 
I am just not that ready
to face the world
after I finished my studies
so He makes me appreciate these times around
and be happy with the journey

I should have this thought 
earlier than what I am doing now

I might change the thought
but for now
I am happy to think about it this way 

^^

Keep on...

Of how much I think I have worked hard
Of how much I think I have sacrificed all efforts
TBVH...It is not enough

This journey
This life path
Allah has gave me a chance to correct it back

As a servant...what have I done?
As a daughter...what have I gave?
As a friend...what can I offer?
As a human...what could I give?

I am exist for reasons
Though I know I am a bit selfish...
I know that I exist for something...

HE KNOWS

I have lot to learn
I have lot to correct
I know I am in no position to give others advices
I hope that Allah will give strength for me...

To keep on...

Down

I think I am rarely show hate on sth obviously especially if it comes for education thingy.

I have a paper tomorrow and I think I feel demotivated seeing the carrymark. Been holding and scolding myself to study but I just stare at the page blankly.

Till I chat with my friend "I feel like throwing my books now" and she was all worried.

I am okay. But I am just mad at myself that I didnt work hard enough. I know that I didnt but I cant. I am giving too much excuses for this which I should put myself in no position to advice others. It comes to that way.

I cant sleep but not utilizing it for study lalala. Lot of insecurities but I just need to better which require another hardwork done. Why am I so lazy like this? I hate this side of me.

I hope that I can pass my paper. Hope that my friends will do well too. Company account...thanks for being exist.

Me - 5.46 am
Exam paper at 9.00 am

Good night 🙇

Contengan

1.45 pagi

banyak sangat perkara nak dirungkai

external aku rosak

aku kena format

jadah semua benda aku kumpul bertahun 

hilang kejap je

nangis tak berlagu aku

lately

aku tak sempat nak kejar benda lain

whatsapp kbnyknnya aku tak reply

call pun housemate sbb nak balik etc

and home ( I miss home so bad )
*praying for my little brother for his SPM , I know he is doing his best*

debate aku kena kejar juga

ada tournament bakal menyusul

aku malas sbnrnya

tapi keadaan dan tenaga kerja itu kurang

assignments bersepah

kebanyakan aku buat sorang

aku tak kisah

tapi dalam hati menyumpah

aku buat dgn kawan lain

dia ada , tapi tak datang

sudahnya hanya menaip

aku menyumpah tak habis

bukan satu assignment je dia buat macam tu

aku rasa nak mencarut kat dia

tapi tak boleh

dia nak membahan , tak tgk lagi aku bahan orang macam mana

aku tak tau nak fikir apa
jadi aku diam
tunggu masa
yang lain pun tahan sahaja perangai dia
markah atas usaha orang
tak rasa bersalah ke?

aku geram semua benda

kuiz aku markah teruk gila

mid term jadual macam apa

aku nangis habis paper sebab serius macam final

tambah satu carutan sbb mmg aku akui

pentadbiran fakulti agak lemah dari segi ini

banyak lagi benda aku tak sempat buat

AGM tak buat lagi

CCM talk tak de lagi

debate tournaments lagi

presentation bersepah macam jadah

study lagi

final nak dekat dah

membahan kenapa kelas akhir sem kena blended sebab

budak dip nak masuk

padahal awal sem tu diorang tu final jugak

kitorang tak de kelas kot awal sem tu

kena ganti kelas sebab diorang

apa jadah suruh pindah fakulti macam tu

diorang duduk kolej kot

bagi je la kelas petang

macam **** je asyik nak mengalah

okay sorry

suatu perkara

aku tak suka commitment buat masa skrg

komitmen nak datang awal

komitmen nak cakap baik2

komitmen nak kena belikan top up utk orang padahal aku ada hal

etc

perkara remah , waktu busy

andai disentuh

diam mungkin perkara terbaik

for anyone

kalau ada sesiapa yang terasa ke

aku jawab macam nak tak nak

kalau kau tanya pasal assignment

kalau kau kata perkara yang aku dah kata aku tak suka

etc etc

aku biasa tak jawab , hanya diam

nak marah ke apa tak reti

aku tak tau la aku ni jenis apa

nak whining pun sorang2 kat sini lah
maaflah
aku memang begini

kadang

banyak sangat aku mengalah

pendam sendiri

aku tau , ada juga perkara yang orang mengalah

for me

tapi tak semua

aku hanya mampu doakan kebaikan utk mereka yang buat baik kepadaku

for years I havent meet my best friend

for years I didnt meet the one that I trust the most , but he left me

for a lot of things that I keep to myself

for everything that I can just pray the best for

what else others expect me to do?

I cant even handle myself

now what?

I hate expectations

I cant split myself and faking things

I am tired of it

for once I did it

I lost my trust entirely

for once I was hoping

I can just look at it and stare , do nothing , cry

now what?

I am not strong

I am tired

I know Allah gives me a lot of chances

I know that Allah knows that I can face all these

but for once , what I need is

space for me to be myself

for others to compromise how complicated I am

when I can consider about theirs

maaf , entry campur bahasa

aku tak perlu perjelas semua perkara

orang hanya akan faham surface sahaja

faham bagaimana pun mereka

mereka tiada di tempat saya

Halwa telinga pagi ini

Korean Version

Chinese Version

me , 2.41 am

MID TERM EXAM is coming ~~~

 

 

I don't even realized that we are in the middle of the semester now

time flies without any pace

 

so its next week

and I am hella scared

lot of stories told that if we cant score

tendency to fail is high

and you know

when you are stressed with a lot of works to be done

and studies

of how you want to coop with things etc

This is when you feel that everything is creepy

 

there come a time when you feel like giving up

trust me , I am not that strong

I feel like sleeping the whole day

that my body is so tired to everything

but then

YOU CANT

and you have no option but to stay up

 

that might sound creepy

but whatever

that's life

and you are a student anyway

lol you cant say anything but strive

 

well

that's basically what I can say to myself

to at least stay awake

I cant play around

but I STILL PLAY AROUND

(though it is not , well whatever)

 

Am trying my best here

will try my best

please , strive with me

 

GAMBARIMASHO !

 



my miserable thoughts and solutions?

 

 

Hello bloggers

I think this entry will be a bit longer

I am saving all my thoughts in one post lols

hope you don't mind

 

main idea for this entry is what I thought about my surroundings

well , I have a lot

I am going to focus on two

 

 

 

1)  STUDY

 

Few days back

my partner and me are rushing for an assignment

we sent it a bit late

(okay  , that was our fault too)

but here is the story

 

what happened that day was

it was all arranged

but I did not print the document yet

and since it is documents for incorporation of an organization

thus , it is a lot to be done

and we have classes before from morning to evening that day

( submission day )

tbh , Alhamdulillah that our last class was cancelled

so we have some time to edit a bit and print

andddddddddd

my printer was run out of it's ink !

and my partner's too

the there are few documents left for completing the assignment

since there is not much options at our faculty

we have to find other option which to go out from uni

and find printing shop

so I stayed at the campus and my partner look for the shop

( we are doing this with my classmates too - they were with their partners )

 

after all the rush

we did finish it ( yeay )

 

what I want to write is what I see things around when all these happened

I do understand that my partner is the busiest girl ever

since she joined I think most communities and student council's etc

and she can still manage to do everything with me

 

and remember when I said that we are doing all these with our classmates?

there is a gap when my partner is out looking to where they can print the doc

so me and my other friend went to perform our prayer

after we finished it ( I have to admit it that we are a bit rushing )

and there is a moment when we stare at things

and my friend said this

 

 

" syaf , don't you think that we are so busy with all these things and can't really khusyuk with our solah? "

 

I replied

" ikr , even if we perform our prayers , there are things keep on pop-ing in our head on things that we need to settle "

 

~ END on the conversation ~

 

 

I do take that deeply

I am happy that Allah loves me by sending people around me to remind

me on how people can sometime forget

that all these things that we do

its because of HIM

 

come to think on it

we are studying because of HIM

we are able to live because of HIM

we are alive today is because of HIM

we can beat others and say we are good , because its HIM whose giving us that ability

we can shed tears sad scenes is because HE gives us feeling

reminding that we need HIM in our live

 

even if we are busy with all the responsibility

its to HIM that we need to come back eventually

 

 

 

 

2) INTEREST

 

well

I think if you always read my entries

its all full of KPOP etc

of how 'hardcore' I am with my idols

of how I admire them etc

of how they always teach me etc

of how I am mad when others saying bad things about all these things

 

I think most of you have come across that

 

' IT's NOT EASY TO CHANGE '

 

yes

I admit

I am changing a bit

I lessen my interest

but I am not saying that I am stopping or hating all these

 

I always see things differently

perhaps because I am too deep ( lols , I am not sure )

I still admire them

for all positive vibes that they have

but I am also a fan that understand

all these people are also human

I cant admire them forever

I cant let all these thought to fight for these people forever

because I have my life too

but I don't say that I wont post anything about them

just , its lesser

 

I only disclose that I am a fanbase admin to my close friends

and in this blog

I think its a responsibility too

just , I think I need some time to quit that position

which I need to discuss with other admin too

but idk if I can manage to do that

 

even now

I rarely online

usually , its only when there is notification

if not , NO

I am too lazy to check

unless I have nothing much to do and I check some times

but then I know nothing about the updates etc

when sometimes its tiring to keep on updating myself

about these human

nam saying?

 

but still I do check on them

just , lesser

and I don't even involve myself much thinking about other groups

since I am not updating?

lols , how am I supposed to explain this

I hope you got this

 

and there is one post

about how being a KPOPer can actually takes you far away from what you want in your life

well , I admit that

KPOP is not 100% bring positive values

to those who are in love with them

but I don't say that you learn nothing from them

its the same to when I love watching anime

 

its all about YOUR DECISION

 

as for KPOP

yes

I have been in a situation when I can even mad to other fans

fighting lalala

which now I think it sounds a bit ... stu**d

of how can I even do that

( but I don't say that you can win me either lols )

and there are time when I can be so 'BUSY' updating things lalala

 

when I am busy with my studies etc

I find that all these hobbies are a bit boring

updating and stuffs

because I have sth prior that I need to focus on

 

I still need to be a better person

OMG , I am so sad

that I cant even manage my financial properly

I still cant even let the phone or device when I am talking to others

I need to learn learn and learn a lot

so that I am not stayed behind

 

there are a lot of things to be done

yes , I am still updating myself

just lesser ( hope you got this )

and I am currently keep on reminding myself

its okay to start a bit late

than never

I might not be changed fully

because I am still me

I will still love all these Korean and Japanese songs

crying for how they are all so good looking etc

 

since I know I learnt a lot of positive things too

seeing how hardworking they are to achieve their position now

how they can be so well mannered around others

etc etc etc

( I can't explain all since its me who see the thoughts )

 

one cant say that you learn nothing from everything around you

that's being ignorant

and that will make you look stupid too ( opps sorry )

 

I meant

lets say

you walk around the town

and see old lady working so hard with her old body

working for a penny

cant you learn and see that

 

" HOW CAN I BE SO LAZY WHEN SHE CAN EVEN WORK WITH THAT BODY? "

 

" WHY AM I COMPLAINING ABOUT THESE SMALL AMOUNT OF WORKS WHEN OTHERS ARE CRYING AND WORKING HARD TO JUST GET A PLACE TO SLEEP? "

 

you can learn and have these thought

by seeing and using the brain that Allah gives you wisely

 

that's why I said

yes its not wrong to have interest

but its up to you on which you should choose or not

 

I might change my thoughts in next entries or arguments

and still posting about my bias etc

hope you wont judge me

 

and

in any entry that I wrote in

If you do think that I wrote it wrongly

or what I did is wrong

please tell me

 

somehow

I am so blessed that I have friends around

who always remind me

to not forget about Allah

and those who understand my interest

but keep on reminding me to not go beyond what it supposed to be

 

 

and I think

I am also stuck with this quote from my best friend

 

" you don't need to explain yourself to others "

 

and I do think I don't have to post the whole thoughts of mine here

since its hard to explain it all to others

 

 

 

to all these people

who are there with me

along this time

thank you so much

 

this entry is filled with my mixed thought

my weakness as human

and my strong side as a person

 

I have what I need in my life

and I will keep on searching and appreciate what I feel

because this is a chance that Allah gives me

to know which is right and wrong

and this process will keep on going

forever

 

A/N : sorry for any wrong said in this entry

thank you for reading

 

 

 

 

own perceptions

for quite a long time 

blog has become my priority after few months ago

perhaps for the past 6 months or more or whatever 

lols , this is not a big issue though

as I grew and started to think seriously

I do think that my perceptions changed a lot

not that I didnt think before
but it grew a 'little' bit now

if you know who I am in real life

I am good at hiding of how serious my mind can go

because people always see kpopers that way perhaps?

idk

I just dont care about those perceptions

what I want to focus in this entry on what I saw about myself

me in the past and my current self

is a bit different in a sense that the way I see things are different

I really want to achieve what I want and try to accept things easier

if I do think that it is good to me

well , you can accept and reject things

because its you who are deciding what you want aite?

I always appreciate all advises that everyone gave me

it still depends on me whether to accept or not

currently , I have been exposed to a lot of situations
which makes me to think further
and from all advises that I learnt that I am still lack in a lot of things

for the past few weeks

I was busy training my juniors for debate competitions

thing is , I learnt a lot from them too

on how to critically think ; back as how I was before

I am improving by time

which is what I hope I can do well

since I am still learning

learning can be in a lot of ways

it could be from anybody

even from a baby

or an old man

anyone peeps

" never think that we are good enough "

thats what I thought now

because for me

NOBODY IS HIGHER OR LOWER IN EVERYTHING

thats what I always say to my juniors too

realizing that I started to realize that for quite a while

it thought me that I shouldnt be afraid to ask

or to show myself

since everyone is still learning

thats what I thought

idk you

but for sure that you have your own style to think about sth

tbh

idk how to express on how I see things differently

it is sth that you feel inside yourself

everyone has different approaches

and I hope 

that you find yours too

sometimes
I do take lyrics seriously too
since I know thats how I can be totally immersed in
I am trying to accept most things in more positive ways
trying to use what I have to be better
because for me
if I didnt help myself
I will just stay as how I am
I can never push people to accept on how I do most things
and why I am using music or whatever that I use to 
see things differently
well
it still up to you to decide on what you want

so I am leaving this entry from one of the song that 
gave me quite a deep touch in my heart
it might be a bit " hard " to some
but I really love this song
it thought me a lot

this is performed by B.A.P

and this is the Japanese version of it

the meaning is still the same as how the original version is

but the lyrics are changed a bit

but still the feeling the same for both versions ( for me )

I have shared the same thought about this song at AFF

well , some can adapt 

some is not

well as I said

it depends on the individual

nobody can force you to accept anything

I really appreciate that my bias group always thought me these thoughts too

thats lovely though

thank you so much for teaching me this B.A.P

I hope you can like this song and immersed with what

B.A.P is trying to say

the explanations about the song are everywhere

but it still on how you see it passed through your heart 
hehe

here I attach the Korean version of One Shot with eng sub

I am always happy to share anything about them ^^

and this is the original MV from TS Original Youtube channel

psst : 

other songs in this MV are 

1) PUNCH - played at the beginning of the MV

2) COMA - in the middle and the end of MV

thank you for reading :) 

thank you for everything

- sincerely , me -

I am not 100% right and wrong

As stated , this is what I felt through out this competition saying that I see its a must for me to install blog in my phone making it a bit different from my usual post habit.

I am totally agree that somehow, adult do things that benefit others which makes the younger better. However , to some adult, youngsters doing wrong in front of them and they mad but they didnt tell why they are mad at them makes me feel that they are not right all the time.

To one extend, being immature is really me. I am just 21 years old and expecting me to understand what you want is not me. Since i am learning to be better , i need justification on what I do wrong.

Well , thanks to some skills that makes me to question things on ... " hey , yeah i might do sth that is wrong , but what it is? " " why? "

I cant understand why you are mad if i didnt know why. Am not an angel knowing what u might feel and want. So tell me.

However , I do admit that I am an emotional person and I am still not good on saying things that is good for you to hear. For some reasons , my sarcasm is really high. Being a debater force me to be one. Well , its my choice. Not anyone else.

Blame me , yes. But justify. I am still not good to do sth bad and saying bad things to everyone that treat me good , however , I am also not good to be bias to myself. I am so sorry.

Through out the competition , I feel that there are a lot of things happened upon my decision to be here. Yeah , I might not helping much , but being here alone without any authority , though i am trying to rationalize things , to one extend ; I still see that people are using me and I really hate that sort of people for not being responsible and left everything for other people to do it for them. Shame on you.

Good that I have juniors that listen to me well. Thanks for at least making me feel that you guys are appreciating me as a sister. And back to topic , my stance still same that back to the status quo arised at the early para.

10.00PM , CAC , 12th IIUM DEBATING CHAMPIONSHIP.

what do I have and what I dont?

hello

so , result was out

and mine was terrible

and tbh , i dont remember that result will be announce today

what happened?

i was so busy with my work and training my juniors

we are going to have a debate competition that will be held this weekend

up to next week which depends on the performance of the kids

so when I went straight home

i was so tired , so I slept early

I manage to remember when I saw my friend congratulating me

which makes me 

" what did I do that make you say that "

thats what I thought

then only I remember that result was announced !

thing is

my result was bad

and idk why and what I have done to get that sort of result

what I felt rn might not be how I felt

since I am not having heart pumping fast since

I am not remember the result was announce though

so yeah

when I looked at my result

I was like

" ouh , its out "

ahhhh , should I feel bad?

should I cry?

should I feel miserable?

idk

thing is , I am ... idk , heartless?

I know I am not doing much

but hearing that my housemate gets dean

i was "ouh" - ing again

thats cool syaf , clap to yourself and cry

that might be better to think of though

even I know I wont do that

honestly

for this semester break

i dont really get to just sit and enjoy my holiday

i was busy with works

training and on road in my car

and i feel bad sometimes that I didnt help my mother much

but idk , I know I am not good

thats why

idk

things happened and I know

promising myself to be better can just be another word

that can be said every semester

everytime

just , to comfort yourself

and if that is the best that I can do

why not aite?

yeah

I do think that training my juniors makes me think sth that I couldnt manage to see

which is to just do our best , and let Allah do the rest

my passions , my dreams

might not be 100% at my studies

which I should feel bad

but at the same time

since there are a lot of things to be focus on

and I am still learning

I should always tell myself that

doing what I think is good to myself wont do any harm

and envy-ing others for getting better and I do nothing wont bring me any good either

so yeah

syaf , go and live your life

feel happy and strive harder.

I hope I can manage to handle myself better in the future

>.<

I am not ...

if and only if I could sum up of what I felt

people might say that I am complaining a lot

and don't feel thankful for what I have

well , I have been saying the same thing over and over again

its freaking messing my head up

for once , when it comes to family matters

nothing much can be said though it bothered yourself a lot

I am seriously tired to feel this way

its too long to hold it up to the extend that I feel like

shouting and let everything out

I do believe that it is hard to see my anger side

I am too weak to show

because I know how I can go and how bad I can be if I do that

so I tend to shut my mouth up

even for that small action would make people shut

how would you feel will be if I started to argue?

as to some level

I have a barrier of "respect" that I need to hold

and "relationship" that I need to respect

that is the only reason why I shut my mouth up

well , its a normal story aint it?

seeing other people getting money

when you are trying hard to survive

and though you get your pocket money

its only to when you begging for it

WTH is that?

I cant stand letting my mom asking for everything

telling everything for every single thing that I need

as someone who see how I grow up

cant you tell what I need?

do you think it is easy for me seeing things getting worst in front of my eyes?

am I complaining much? yes

will this be settle by telling this here? no

but I have no option but to shut

and being happy is the last option

or seeing you suffer will make me happy?

it still no either

there comes a moment

when I feel jealous

seeing my friend joking and laughing 

with their dad

happily

I am honestly jealous

he is not dead

he is there

alive

but what I can do

as a daughter

but to hate him?

I tend to hate everyone who treat my mom badly

it not only a person , but several

its totally bad to the extend that I wish I wont be meeting

them again once its all come to the exact position

I am always in dilemma when I have to be in the middle

and I am tired to stand there

I am fucking tired faking my smile in front of them

when I honestly want to punch their face 

well , it might only be inside me

and it might only the bias part inside me

I tend to be that bad

I tend to be that bias

it doesnt matter what it is

its not that I cant differentiate what is right and wrong

its a moment that I can only listen and do nothing

I have no strength but to watch

that makes me sad and angry

I feel like a stupid person

playing under someone's game

ya Rabb

I can only pray the best

that the worst will get their actions paid

for the least that I could say

I am not a good girl

because I am not

T_T 

lost cloud

If I am going to post on a post

I will try my best to look at how I see things

though sometimes

thinking and considered about others

might be a better approach

I have problem with my sleep time right now

it honestly makes me tired

I will sleep after subuh and might wake up way before asr

which is really bad

honestly bad management ever

it makes myself tired

and can't really use what I have

to do what's best in a day

I am blaming myself

yes , no other should be put in line though

well , when you sleep like (the whole day)

and it comes to night

how can I say to myself 

" ouh , you need to sleep right now coz you need to put it back 

to what it supposed" ?

i mean

even if i stayed up

I don't really utilize it wisely though

which can be seen as sth stupid I might say

but I hope it will get better when I am home later

and right now

I honestly haven't cover much

exam is still on

well yes , posting this take my time too

blame on me again

I am just ...

well

I am no good person

will trying my best to improve

please

don't take all things that I said in sad way

as a problem

sometimes , I just need a space to say

things that bother me

though it might sound like a problem

if it relates to someone

when I want others to listen

I will just tell them

not a matter to point on anyone

coz i feel like I burdened others with my problems

which I dont really like it

coz I know

I didn't reply it back nicely

perhaps

even if I am online right now

I feel sad seeing how my brothers and sisters

being attack there

and how as a person

I can't really help them but with doa

I don't have space to complain here

although that might the thing that I always do

I am not an angel that can complete everything perfectly

I am still human

here I am standing

Ya Rabb

please , help my brothers and sisters

please give them the best reward for their fights

please let the other side see what humanity is

please please please

let all of our doa be their strength

May they have the best pace in this month of Ramadhan too

I am just .... T_T

can and only able to provide this small thing T_T

class trip , mind talk

aku tak tahu la apa masalah

suka sangat update waktu 3 - 4 pagi

mungkin sebab dah terbiasa

ada idea waktu macam ni

atau sebab tak de mood nak buat apa2

jadi menulis nampak macam perkara baik untuk dilakukan

haha , abaikan

semalam aku keluar dengan kawan sekelas

ke ulu bendul

it was all planned

seronok la sebab konvoi ramai-ramai

tapi sekejap je trip tu 

sebab pergi lepas solat jumaat

before maghrib kitorang balik

seharian ni

aku tidur macam tak sedar diri

qadha tidur ke apa aku tak tau

penat macam tak ingat dunia

padahal bukan membanting tulang ke apa

jadi malam nya

konon rasa bersalah

buat bajet rajin study

*padahal tak sedar diri , paper dah dekat

sebab tengok orang lain belajar

aku pun start la belajar

setengah jam belajar

sejam tengok video

hahahahaha

mana la nak buat study group macam ni

aku mmg belajar macam ni

*mampu tgk video sbb aku start awal kot

kot lah :P

aku kalau belajar

kalau agak dah tak boleh masuk

tangan gatal sentuh semua benda lain

main game la apa la

sampai rasa macam ada aura rajin tu balik

tadi dah cover few chaps

tinggal few

and nak buat past year

sebenarnya

aku risau jugak

sebab mula tadi macam tak sedar diri

paper first ni lagi 3 hari

mula konon nak gelabah ayam sebab tak start apa

aku sejujurnya

tak suka tengok orang lain belajar

sebab diorang tumpu sangat 

macam tension aku tengok

jadi tu sebab aku biasa study sendiri

tak kacau orang

tak semua orang jugak

nak share apa dia ada

contoh kau buat latihan akaun

certain je yang rajin nak ajar

di saat kesuntukan masa nak kejar waktu exam ni

tak semua

baik nak dahulukan orang lain

tak semua juga

kedekut tak bagi ilmu yang dia ada

tu sebab

aku mula dan gerak dengan sendiri

kurang lebih

usaha sendiri

kan?

dalam masa terfikir nak exam ni

my fingers did count the time for Ramadhan

dah dekat juga

Moga Allah panjangkan umur kita ke arah bulan Ramadhan.

Inshaa Allah

ini pertama kali aku berpuasa di tempat baru

di kampus dan situasi baru

dua minggu lebih dalam bulan Ramadhan di sini

( kalau dalam kiraan la )

Moga dipermudahkan semuanya

...

belajar tu

bergantung pada tahap kau

aku tahu 

usaha aku mungkin tak banyak

( tu sedih ya Rabb nak mengaku )

sebab aku macam tak serious

makanya

marilah kita study sama2 ye ~

semalam kiki kata

" kenapa nak compare dengan orang ? compare dengan diri sendiri sudah "

well 

thanks for reminding me

lets , be better

in our own way