- my sentences are here and there- sorry- I forget how to write well:P-
Saturday, December 26, 2015
- my sentences are here and there- sorry- I forget how to write well:P-
Monday, October 26, 2015
Listening to Christina Perri's - A Thousand Years ; reminds me to a close friend of mine who has meet God long time ago. True that I was not her best friend but she was such an angel who will always create such a great memories to everyone around her. Her sudden death news made me freezed and I still remember that I can't even visit since I have test. The effect was not only to me but everyone who know her. Years and when my friends open up about her story , we will smile and stay in silent ; remember how great she was. She always showed to us that nothing is hard and always be happy with what we do.
I know Allah will always bless her soul. She deserved HIS paradise. For my dearest friend , thank you for being exist. I am so happy to know you once and we are all missing you.
For once , I am gonna let this song slide (I usually skip this song because it really reminds me to her) because although I am not that close to cry but honestly , your existence means something to us and we all know ; Allah loves you more than anyone in this world.
May Allah bless you and everyone around me always ~
Thursday, October 1, 2015
It has been a while I think? Hope that everyone is doing fine. I am working hard here so ; I guess else are doing the same.
Leaving my trace here again ; to write about something that I thought I should share with all of you. It has been a month for me with classes. Everything is fine despite that not many from my batch are here anymore.
Being in the class with juniors is a total new thing for me. I guess most are so afraid with a super senior like me. Haha. //I am honestly don't know//
But what I want to write here is about the class. I really like my lecturers even most those who learnt with them said that they are demanding etc. I am honestly okay if people say that they are tired with classes etc , but I kinda not agree if someone talk bad about the one who teach them in front of me (adding up if the said person teach me too).
/ idk why I feel that I shouldn't mess up with my words in this entry . Is it because this is a bad topic? >< /
Well. I am pretty sure most teachers will have their own way to teach us. And yes...even if we teach people , we will have certain demands and rules for our students to follow , no?
I guess I feel that with my trainees (debate). It might be a different level of teaching for me to compare , but perhaps the initial idea can be the same.
I guess , most teachers want the best for us. If we follow what they want and do our best , I don't think anyone will complain about you or what we do.
I am sorry if I am wrong , I just wanna share what I think is right for me to say. ^^
Lets try our best and may Allah ease our journey !
Best of luck everyone ! Take care ! Hope that everything will be fine ^^
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
depending on the love level for the plot
although ... well , I have no right to talk much about this
KIM JAEJOONG - THOUGH I HATE IT
KIM JAEJOONG - COINCIDENCE
Saturday, July 4, 2015
It is kind of funny when I look into all my old entries
and see how I was complaining about things
and sometimes I pitied myself for that
it ain't funny but well , perhaps I am weird to look at it as it is
well I guess updating at phone makes myself a better person in developing the ideas
now I am lost of what to write
as I scrolled down
I can see how I treat myself differently to different situations and sites
how you have to be really thoughtful when you want to update your tweets
how you have to be really peculiar when you have to sub the videos
how to credit things
how to make sure that you feel good about posting things
things about internet and social medias are sometimes make me feel tired
as in there are too much of limitations that you need to hide
as to secure yourself and others
that is also a way for others to see you or the one that you are trying to fake of
but sometimes you showed the real side of you
well not much points to ponder but that's how it is
sounds complicated lols?
I am really impressed of how people can show themselves through medias
well , certain cultures or terms might limiting someone to do so
but I love to watch and read people's opinion on sites
its pretty interesting
when we tend to listen to others and see how they think about something
we might see things in a better or different perspectives
perhaps that is one of the ways to be better , or worst , idk
it depends on you of how to take it to your life as well
tbh , idk what am I writing right now , haha
anyway , I guess the way I am writing is improving from the past
but I guess I need to put down certain insecurities to myself and be more open with
somehow a better side to show
I guess when you go back to entries back when I start this blog
I was more open in sharing of things that I like and what I think about something
mostly now , my entries are more to how I see things from my perspective
but as I read it back
it aint helping me to be better , but I do feel bad at the moment I wrote those entries but well...
idk , this just sounds so complicated
sometimes I feel bad for lot of reasons
I have a long journey to go
I need to learn a lot
as I go through those entries
I know somehow
I have grown up a lot
I will try to be better in the future
and change my perspective to a better view as well
hoping that this wont be just another wish lists
but something that I will keep on paying attention on
idk if anyone read this that they will understand what I am trying to write
but lols , if you do , you are awesome , haha
until next time ~
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
guess my heart wanna stare and read the books but my body can't cooperate with it ...much?
Having exam yesterday for taxation 2 paper.
So basically I am sacrificing part of my sleep but nay , I always sleep nearly 3 or 4 am though. Doesnt make any difference much.
The difference is , there is exam and I kinda use my brain more for serious matter (now this is serious XP)
So 2 papers in a row
And both start by 9am and 8.30am respectively.
So yeah. Hoping for the best
CSP 1 for tomorrow.
May Allah ease.
*tried to gain energy and mood to study and I gained it when I am nearly sleepy. Haha. Hope everything's gonna be okay.*
Good night world.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
As I realize more about how selfish you are towards me
I take a lot of steps to be positive about it
I am sorry
I am not good
But I guess I have been considering too much
I tried to be good
But you treat me like I am nothing to you
I am not good to you all the time
This feeling might be bias
I have started to hate you
That I can only pray
That you will feel the same way that I feel now
And I really wanna see your face when you feel that
When others do the same to you
How painful it is
I can curse all I might to your face
But since I still have this one tiny respect to you
I won't do that
Or you might regret
As a person
You never know the real me
Of how cruel this hidden side of me
That I wont show but to a bi#*h like you
Wish you all the best for your life
Go and be with that arrogant self of yours
I wont pay any attention to you
Though it might hard on me
Since I care so much
That I feel so depressed right now
I just need to write this down as I dont want this to engulf me so much. All I want is to be alone and have some space for myself to sort things out. Thats all.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
You know , people always say that it is hard to handle girls , but for me , it applies to everyone. Why? because everyone ; DO HAVE THEIR OWN INSECURITIES !
Well , who the hell doesnt? isn't it? sometimes , it comes to a point that you feel so frustrated about yourself and be so undefined about it. I am writing and thinking about the thoughts for quite a while ; but it usually come and go. This is mixed. I am unsure when this kind of thoughts come to me , or when it want to freely go. Bullshit thoughts of mine. Alright , let's just let it be.
I am implying all the insecurities that I have , into what people call as being "secured" and "protective" to myself. I am realizing that I am becoming more "cruel" and starting to ignore what people think and feel about me (excluding my family of course) . I mean , for some people , being detach is necessary , for me ; it is annoying. For some , spending time together 24/7 is a must , for me it is not. Texting for the whole day? ha-ha-ha , i can't do that (but i can do the talk for hours /idek why XP).
point is , I am starting to focus to myself , and start to ignore others. it might be good , it might not. I know , I am starting to hurt others . Whilst I am trying to be rational , I am thinking this selfish point of mine that none ever think of how selfish they were to me. I a trying to protect this point to my head. I am there , I was there , I felt it.
But , it might be irrational or childish to say this , there is always a perk where you have reach your limit , that you can't be considerate anymore. For how nice I was , there is always this bad thought of mine , to just let them go and be within myself alone. I don't want to be alone (well , who want it to be that way anyway) , but I cant deny that I sometimes , need a space for myself. IDEK what is that for , I just ... tired that sometimes I feel that people use me , and sad thing is , I DONT FUCKING REALIZE THAT HAPPENING IN FRONT OF MY EYES !
it hurts me , of how "nice" I was , of how others take it to their advantage , of how I was so naive. Well , I cant also deny that they DO help me , to some points that I am so grateful , but idk , perhaps I am just ... a bad girl.
Question is ; how bad , is enough , to be define as bad? *sigh
Thursday, April 9, 2015
of all circumstances
I am always happy
to love someone like you
and I don't even realize
that I have this ever since school
this comfortable feeling
those comforting phrases
those calm stares
those "whatever" smiles of yours
I have always feel comfortable and save
to live within
and this feeling
I want to let it alive
and smiling to you
like how we both always do
this is bluffing
I am not perfect
you always tell me that
and accept me for who I am
the time difference and distance
make me appreciate things a lot
even we cant really meet up
I know that you are always there
under HIS blessings
I am always happy
to be me
are for you
for someone who always open up his thoughts for me
because , I miss you
hope to meet you soon. when you are here. landed on the same land where we both stand. and be weird together , again. okay , another bluff is coming. whatever. people always ask me of why I like or love someone weird like you and there is me with .... " damn , idek " ><
Monday, March 23, 2015
Of when I thought it was all my fault and put a blame of why I am extending my years
then I come to a thought that
those are only two papers out of 6 or 7 subjects that I took last semester
I should be more grateful
and say Alhamdulillah instead
He wants me to see things in a different view
in a more appropriate feels
of what He is trying to test me
I am still not pure in getting things done
and still lack here and there
I am just not that ready
to face the world
after I finished my studies
so He makes me appreciate these times around
and be happy with the journey
I should have this thought
earlier than what I am doing now
I might change the thought
but for now
I am happy to think about it this way
Saturday, March 14, 2015
those who always be with me
knew how debate is so close to me (always say that I want to quit but I am still in /tch)
(same to kpop lalalala /shut my mouth up)
I dont always have sweet memories
along the way
I know I aint that good still
(but I shout a lot while debating / like really / I am serious / I think / whatever)
this might be the least thing that I could give
for people around me
shouting and yelling :
"yah speaks louder"
" please make your speech more structured , I cant understand you "
" I do it this way , but still messy but I think this way will do? "
trying to scold but still not good enough
its still something that I cant get away to laugh from about myself
but I know
being scolded in front of others how my english was sucks before
being separated from your teammates for your performance was not good before
being isolated just because I speaks english
being scolded in front of juniors
crying watching teammates won a championship
these make me appreciate how debate has brought up to me
should I stay positive
or vice versa
about the line
too complicated for a little thinker like me
Monday, March 9, 2015
I know that I have to take a longer journey in study
So I am extending my year
and carrying 6 subjects this semester
and another 3 next semester
See ya everyone
Good luck with yours
I am going to do my best in mine
Dont play around (I wonder if anyone will still will)
See you when I am becoming what I am dreaming of
Mata Ne ~
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Friday, February 13, 2015
Of how much I think I have worked hard
Of how much I think I have sacrificed all efforts
TBVH...It is not enough
This life path
Allah has gave me a chance to correct it back
As a servant...what have I done?
As a daughter...what have I gave?
As a friend...what can I offer?
As a human...what could I give?
I am exist for reasons
Though I know I am a bit selfish...
I know that I exist for something...
I have lot to learn
I have lot to correct
I know I am in no position to give others advices
I hope that Allah will give strength for me...
To keep on...
Monday, January 12, 2015
I think I am rarely show hate on sth obviously especially if it comes for education thingy.
I have a paper tomorrow and I think I feel demotivated seeing the carrymark. Been holding and scolding myself to study but I just stare at the page blankly.
Till I chat with my friend "I feel like throwing my books now" and she was all worried.
I am okay. But I am just mad at myself that I didnt work hard enough. I know that I didnt but I cant. I am giving too much excuses for this which I should put myself in no position to advice others. It comes to that way.
I cant sleep but not utilizing it for study lalala. Lot of insecurities but I just need to better which require another hardwork done. Why am I so lazy like this? I hate this side of me.
I hope that I can pass my paper. Hope that my friends will do well too. Company account...thanks for being exist.
Me - 5.46 am
Exam paper at 9.00 am
Good night 🙇