courage?

after feel so excited to be an excellent person

suddenly this feeling come along the way

and i don't like it

there will always be a time when I feel that am so loser

when I feel that am not good at everything

*yeah , I know that human is not perfect

but 

it will naturally come 

and i don't know how to express it

you know the feeling when you have to bear everything alone?

i mean

the moment when everyone in this world see that you have

a lot of friends

but you end up feeling that you have nobody

that's crap

i hate this feeling

when I come to realize things clearly

I do know that I have everyone around me

sorry for feeling that way

it just

am tired handling this 

and I was thinking that by writing this down might make it ease

yeah , instead of praying and stuff

you know

I always have someone who is so enthusiastic about something

ouh no , everything for exact

and that sounds to suit me well

perhaps

because i do talk a lot

like seriously a lot

* I thought I am :P

so 

wouldn't you feel that you are so alone 

without people that you're so into?

didn't mean things for boyfriend or girlfriend *urghh

its more on friend !

like the one who understand you well

i know its hard to find

and without those people

you feel that everyone around you are talking 

something that's bullshits

they only come to you when they need you 

*erk - sorry for the language

i know am not good at everything

there'll always a time when your hormone is not balance

or simply 

you're not in a good mood

all this things will come out

i really wish it wouldn't come out this time

when my finals are just around the corner

and I know that I can't go back to the past

remembering all the memories

it makes myself hurt inside

know why i prefer writing things in blog?

because I know not everyone will understand 

even if I tried to explain to them.

and am tired doing that

i do understand that everyone are so busy

handling things

since final is around the corner

i don't want this creepy thought flowing with me

I want to let it out

I might seems so tough outside

I really hope that am the same inside

am so jealous with those who have a lot of friends

who is going to wake you up in the morning

call you if you don't go to class

believe you when you say that you're sick

try to comfort you when you're not ok

and most of the time 

I just pretend to have anyone of them

even if I do

it might sounds like a miracle to me

but am sure somewhere 

there'll be a person who care about me

*excluding my family , because they surely care about me

i don't know what am talking about here

IF you (anybody) are reading this

don't feel be sad if you care and always worry about me

and I still feel this way

perhaps am just not good at such things

u know

like - having great conversation to keep people with you

or to really listen to others when they're having problem and stuff

I think I talk a lot here

and I don't know what am talking about

sorry for being so annoying here

*thinking of that back - this is my blog ~ daa ... :P

to those people who always care about me 

thanks

sorry for being such a trouble some to you

please let me fill in this courage and confident

for me to believe in myself always

please pray that for me

it's hard to motivate myself alone all the time

I wish that you'll always supporting me

till next entry

*ignore all the grammar mistakes