Friday, February 7, 2014

What 21 means to me? 140207


I have a lot of thoughts tonight
It trembles me a lot
having a feeling of being happy
but I have one feeling that I can't describe on

I am 21 today
Alhamdulillah ( Thank God ) that I am still alive up till today
I can feel that His bless is always there for me
I am so thankful for that Ya Rabb :)

I know I am growing older
I will have a lot of responsibilities
and I realize that every year
ever since after I am reach the age of 20
but
I also know that I always show the other side of me 
to whatever reason that I am not sure what it is
but still I am so thankful that everyone is still very good to me
which I know I don't really deserve that
since I know that I rarely done something that can make them
really thankful for
but if they do
I am happy for that

to my parents and family,
I have nothing to give on
neither something good that I can show on to my parents
but I know I have tried my best to make them happy

even I know it will never be enough
I hope my existence can always make you happy
and for everything that you have done to me
I can't express it well
but I hope you know that I love you so much

Thank you mom for giving birth to me
for bringing me to this world
carrying me for 9 months
thought me
take care of me
be my side every time I need u
smiling for me
encourage me
for everything that you do
I know I can't pay with anything
i owe you my life
I know that I can't live without you
You are the one that nobody can replace
I know I always be a stubborn girl
but honestly deep inside me
I am always thankful to Allah that He choose you to be my mother
you are the best mom.
I am praying that you will be in Jannah 
and getting bless from HIM forever
thank you so much for everything

and for "you"
I know that I am always been so clumsy on things
but I really have a lot of things to say to you
I have a lot of thoughts about you
even if you are not
I am still happy doing that
and I didn't realize that I have been doing that for a long time ago
It just my blind eyes blurring my thoughts
I hope you can forgive me for whatever that I do
which perhaps make you feel uncomfortable
this 'you' title maybe exist in my side only
which I am not sure on that either
even so
I hope I could always grab the chances well
when the time is right
I am waiting
to be true to myself and you too
if that is the best^^

for my friend that I have lost contact for a long time
where have you been?
are you okay?
why you didn't contact me?
did I do something bad to you?
are you sick?
for this year's birthday
I really want to hear you singing to me again
like how you always did
I am so sad that I have to keep 
from others how much I think about you
to avoid contacting you to see whether you remember me or not
since our past really hurting me
then doing this hurt me some more
since you seems to forget me
which I am not sure about that
I just hope that you are doing okay
just so you know that I remember your birthday every year
and I always praying the best for everything that you do
hope we can still be friend in the future.

to Sakinah Najihah
I always owe you a lot
for listening to my randomness
for scolding me if I am doing sth wrong
for always giving good advise to me
I can't thank you enough
Idk how would I be if you are not around
I know I rarely treat you well
so I hope you can forgive me for that.
If I have to put this friendship in one word
I just can't since you are very precious to me :)
please stay by side forever
I really need you by my side
I am sorry for always troubling you
thank you so much for always staying by my side
thank you for this friendship too
For me you are the best
I hope you can be true to yourself too
because for whatever that other people say about you
you are very100X precious
just keep that in your mind :)
I will always be by your side
in case you need me too XP
inshaa Allah :)

and to my family
my friends
everyone
who never put any doubt on me
who always believe in me
thank you so much
I am praying for your success
and getting blessings from HIM always :)
I love all of you.

21 is just a number
perhaps that is what I am going to think
since I am still pacing my steps
which I know still slower than others
or perhaps a bit faster
but I know I still can sense where I am
( well at least XP )
which always make me thought whether I have done enough
to continue to a better road

inshaa Allah 
I am
and I am praying that Allah will ease our journey
always
lets try harder everyone

I have seen so much things few years back
since I love to look at people a lot
but I know that I always have a lot of thoughts about something
I can even speak non stop for something that can't even attract anyone's interest
but still there are people who will listen to that
I am always thankful for that

I might be quiet
or not talking much 
sometimes
but I think you can search
on all musics that I listened to
thats somehow
a way to express myself
that is what I usually did
( most of the times )
haha
hope you don't mind on that

I hope I can be a better person
way to be a good person is not easy
be it to be a perfect man
that is somehow sounds ridiculous
but I know it is not our decision to judge on our destiny
yes we are the one who work on it
but Allah ( God ) is the one who choose the path for us
let us pray so that He can in every decisions that we make

I am praying the same for everyone
Hope this year can be a better year for me to be matured 
and learn some more

this 'tears' that I keep for so long
I am happy that I have 'let it out'
:)

I know I messed up my writing again
but thanks for reading this
( for those who did )

well
until next entry
Yeorobun / minnasan / everyone
take care
good night :)

~syaf~
~ 3:09 am ~
~ 140207 ~




So I am giving all of you this song today
I really love this song
so I hope you like it too





Happy birthday to me
* be a good girl okay syaf? :)

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